Andy: Why did we pretend like we worked here?
Dwight: Is that what we were doing?

I don't have kids or anything, but if my grandmother ever dies I'm going to kill myself.

Darryl: All I know is if I was a girl and had to choose between a tall dude who loved Asia, and a you-lookin' dude who loved sweaters and wearing sweaters, I'd choose you.
Andy: That's really nice, thank you.
Darryl: And I'd blow your mind.

Andy: I bet he's wishing he had a hybrid, right? 60 miles to the gallon in the city.
Kevin: No, I bet he's wishing he was strangling somebody.

Kevin: Everyone is gonna be there. Angela, Phyllis... even Creed is a maybe.
Andy: Creed is going?!?

Andy: Is becoming CEO of this company your a capella group? Come on, we're going to Danny's bar, Public School.
Darryl: Nah, I got some work to do. I do got big plans at this company.

Kevin: He's like a better looking Andy.
Andy: Thanks Kevin.

Creed: Well I really, really, really liked it.
Andy: Well that really bums me out.
Creed: You're welcome.

I was the artsy, musical one. In Here Comes Treble I had four solos, Broccoli Rob had three.

Andy: Can anyone else name a consequence of sex?
Kevin: It feels unbelievable.

Andy: It's like amateur hour.
Oscar: Well it was an amateur production, technically.

Women can not resist a man singing show tunes. It's so powerful even a lot of men can't resist a man singing show tunes.

The Office Quotes

Dwight: What is my perfect crime? I break into Tiffany's at midnight. Do I go for the vault? No, I go for the chandelier. It's priceless. As I'm taking it down, a woman catches me. She tells me to stop. It's her father's business. She's Tiffany. I say no. We make love all night. In the morning the cops come and I escape in one of their uniforms. I tell her to meet me in Mexico but I go to Canada. I don't trust her. Besides, I like the cold. Thirty years later, I get a postcard. I have a son and he's the chief of police. This is where the story gets interesting: I tell Tiffany to meet me in Paris, by the Trocadero. She's been waiting for me all these years; she's never taken another lover. I don't care, I don't show up. I go to Berlin. That's where I stashed the chandelier.

Guess what, I have flaws. What are they? Oh, I don't know. I sing in the shower. Sometimes I spend too much time volunteering. Occasionally I'll hit somebody with my car. So sue me... No, don't sue me. That is the opposite of the point that I'm trying to make.

Michael