Ben: I have so many presents, it's weird!
Andy: Yes!! Oh, for the baby? Put 'em over there.

April: But in the end? Bringing a child into this world? That's disgusting!
Andy: Nooo, we'd wipe all the disgusting stuff right off it!

Andy: I get to push the buttons! I call it!
April: He called it.
Leslie: Yeah I know.

Was he killed by a younger, stronger, barber!?

You're what keeps me going. You're my "VerizonChipotleExon."

I once found a rock that look like Santa Claus -- hat and everything.

I don't understand what's the problem Officer, just train the ocean!

My wife, "April Ludgate-Karate-Dwyer!"

"Phenomenon" means to "search a cave."

Andy: Hey, kids! This seems like a "hug moment!"
Ron: You are mistaken! Remove the graphic!

I don't know what happened! I took it out to play hide and seek, I couldn't find it, and -- oh wait I know what happened.

In a couple weeks, I'll be moving to Washington, D.C. It's the capitol of the entire world.

Parks & Rec Quotes

April: You know what? I think men are better than women.
Ann: She's kidding.
April: No I'm not. They provide for us and we must obey them because they are our masters.

"I guess I kind of hate most things. But I never really seem to hate you. So I want to spend the rest of my life with you, is that cool?"