McGee: It's gotta be weird for you on some level.
Tony: Yeah. I think the word is totally surreal. All of it. The truly weird part is, I'm happy for her.
McGee: You should be happy for yourself, too. You don't have to carry around all that guilt anymore.
Tony: Maybe. Maybe not.

Tony: Hey, McGee! Why don't you do the digging. That seems to be your specialty.
Gibbs: And ruin the manicure? That's not going to happen.

Tony: Dear noble eastern white pine, this is from Abby Sciutto. She said you would know what to do with it. There you go. There, I said it. Are you happy?
McGee: I'm happy and Abby will be very happy.

Bishop: Attention squad room.
Tony and McGee: Louder!
Bishop: Attention squad room! I, Eleanor Bishop, am asking spirits of criminal science for a really hectic day! A crazy day where lots of things go terribly, terribly wrong.
Tony: There you go.

McGee: Just so you know, I donated a bunch of my stuff last week. Stuff that was important to me.
Delilah: More important than my stuff, or more important than us?
Tony: That's a trap.

Tony: Are they arguing in binary?
Bishop: Binary averages twelve digits per word. It's some sort of modified shorthand.
Tony: He can't even argue like a cool cyborg.

McGee: Let me explain to you why that is not creepy. They're my recitals. I used to tap dance. Yeah. You heard me. I used to tap dance and you know what? I was a natural. In fact, I was amazing. They used to tell me Timmy "Soft Shoe Savant" McGee. You understand? And I'm not ashamed of it.
Tony: I gotta find a VHS player.

McGee: That's actually really interesting what he was doing.
Tony: Not really, McNerd. What is interesting is that the fact that his CO says he's been divorced three times, has no friends or family that still talks to him.
Gibbs: Yeah.

Tony: No, I have not had an eye lift.
Woman: I don't believe you. And I would sue if I were you.
Tony: Well there's nobody to sue, because I haven't had it. Wait, why would I sue?
Woman: You tell me, Marty Feldman.

Tony: So the illegal sports book was yours then?
Carver: No idea what you mean. But I'd love to know who exactly you heard it from.
Tony: Well I bet you would, but then, I have a feeling that the same thing would happen to him that happened to the last guy who pissed you off? So....

Tony: Where are we off to, guv?
Gibbs: Quantico. Keep talking with that accent, I'm gonna shoot you

Tony: One other question, I know you're an expert in English history. And I was just wondering, have you ever heard of Archibald Drummond, the 17th Earl of Trent?
Ducky: The Earl of Trent. No, I can't say I have. Why?
Tony: I was just wondering. Thanks.

NCIS Quotes

I'm more of a Super-Mario guy, myself.

Captain Wescott

Ducky: Forgive me, Mr. Palmer, but I can’t resist the urge to give you one of my all-time favorite pieces of advice: “If you’re going through hell, keep going.”