April: Dear April's grandmother. I said grandfather.
Andy: Oh. Oops. OK.
April: You are a beautiful and amazing woman. Man. I hope some day I can become half the woman you are. He's a man. Thank you for the $500. It was $5. Enjoy the Mouse Rat CD. He is deaf.
Andy: OK, do you want me to make those changes or is it good?

Chris: I can't find my car keys.
April: Solve this mystery genius.

I dig your groovy tunes man.

I’m just an impartial bunny, but I think Ann sucks! And also, I’m the Zodiac Killer!

Do you want me to postpone the rest? Or I could set myself on fire and create a diversion.

Ron: To me, this situation is a blood-soaked, nightmare-ish hellscape. However to Leslie Knope-
Leslie: Oh how fun!
April: Yay.

You don't have to buy me things. I just like being around you.

Jerry: I really wish I could have your body.
Tom: What?
April: Eww, like tied up naked in your basement?
Jerry: No, no I mean you're in good shape and you can eat whatever you want.
Leslie: That was weird, Jerry.

This is an impression of my sister, Natalie.. "Hi, I'm Natalie, I like Ritalin and have low self-esteem!"

No, I've gotta help Leslie find the truth. Not because I'm pissed at Andy, which I'm not. Because I care so deeply about possums. 'Cause they're so adorable.

Ron: This seems like none of our business.
Leslie: Be supportive, OK? Don't be all like, "No. I don't want to. I am a guy and I like fire, and playing hockey and eating meat. No, no says I."
April: That was a really good Ron.
Leslie: Thank you.

Leslie: It's not cool. It's trespassing, and that is breaking the rules. Cool people make the rules. They don't break the rules. And if those kids want you to break the rules then they're not really your friends.
April: Whoa, who are you even talking about?

Parks & Rec Quotes

Leslie: I know you're not gay.
Tom: No, I'm not.
Leslie: But you're effeminate.
Tom: What?
Leslie: Well, you're wearing a peach shirt with a coiled snake on it.
Tom: That's because it was featured in Details magazine, and it's awesome.

Look, Tammy and I don't work. We are oil and water. Or oil and TNT and C4 and a detonator and a butane torch.

Ron