Favorite Barney Stinson Quotes
Barney [after leaving Robin a weird sound on her voicemail]: She wasn't there. I left a voicemail.
Lily: You left a voice, but it wasn't male
Girl: Really, a genie comes out of it?
Barney: Only if you rub it hard enough.
[drunk, on phone] Hey Robin, it's Barn Door. Guess what, I'm open!
Ted: Well after he proposed a vocational paradigm shift, I made an impromptu presentation using a four pronged approached that really brought him to his knees
Barney: Hit him with a chair?
Funny thing, and this is just me, I like my balls attached to my body instead of rolling around next to some eyeliner in Robin's purse. Stinson out.
Dude working together is going to be legen- wait for it ...I'll send you an inter office memo with the rest because we friggin' work together!
In my body, where the shame gland should be, there is a second awesome gland. True story
Ted, tonight is gonna be Epic- wait for it...Dary! Wait that's not it, how do I usually say it? Ugh I hate this Quinn girl!
I'm gonna die alone. Ted's gonna be eaten by cats!
Barney: We both like scotch. We're both awesome.
Robin: Maybe that's the problem. Maybe there's just too much awesome here.
Barney: Yes. Two awesomes cancel each other out. I'm tired of being canceled out.
[to Ted] Your mom and I got to second base.