Check it, I just drove a Pedi cab 26 blocks and I still smell incredible.

And firing half my department freed up the money to double my own salary, and this chick from Boston was wicked hot in bed last night, and I'm getting more muscular even though I've stopped working out, and I have this amazing poker group, and I smell incredible, just, here, seriously smell me.

The bus? Every time I take the bus there is always that one crazy person that no one wants to sit near and that is why I have never taken the bus.

Puffy cheeks, smudged mascara, slightly red nose, that girl was just crying. She's so sad and defenseless. Anyone have a condom?

Fine I'll have a three way with Hot and Kinda Hot while Giggles works the camera. I ride!

Ted I admire your loyalty. You've had that hairstyle forever. You don't care that it's out of style or that it's been co-opted by the lesbian community. You stick with it. To Ted!

Chrissie I love your glasses. They totally pull focus up from that whole chin situation you got going on. To Chrissie!

Do you remember how awesome it was to be coworkers, nay ... Bro-workers?

Call me old fashioned but I need to have sex with a girl at least three times before I'll even consider having dinner with her.

Golden Rule. I do not buy dinner to get the Yes. Dinner is a very intimate activity. It requires a level of connection and eye contact that sex just doesn't.

Barney Stinson allllllllllllllways gets the yes.

Why do white people like Carrot Top?

HIMYM Quotes

You are the love of my life. Everything I have and everything I am is yours. Forever.


Whatever you do in this life, it's not legendary, unless your friends are there to see it.