I can't do this anymore. I'm a good girl! I went to Catholic School!

And just to be safe, when you talk to him, don't bring up Jimmy Carter, gardeners, foreign people, homosexuals, Sean Penn, Vatican II, gun control, organic food, the designated hitter rule, recycling or the fact that you're Jewish.

Howard: You see, I have to play Dungeons and Dragons ... for the marriage.
Bernadette: You're an idiot.
Howard: I'm your idiot.

Howard: I got pretty exciting NASA news today. Next week I fly to Houston for orientation and zero-gravity elimination drills.
Penny: What does that mean?
Bernadette: He's gonna to learn to poop in space.
Howard: Open the pod bay doors, HAL.
Raj: Maybe your nickname should be "Brown Dynamite."

Bernadette: Who's Siri? Is he dating someone new?
Howard: Yes. His phone.
Bernadette: Is that cute? Or, creepy?

I told you you shouldn't have espresso after dinner. I know the little cups make you feel big but it's not worth it.

Penny: Ooh, that looks like fun.
Bernadette: Maybe you should master glue before you move on to fire.

Bernadette: Boy, I don't know if I could be friends with Howie if we broke up.
Howard: Why not?
Bernadette: I'm a very vengeful person.
Howard: Really?
Bernadette: With access to weaponized smallpox.

Bernadette: I was head-hunted by a big pharmaceutical company. They're going to pay me a buttload of money!!
Leonard: Bernadette, that's great!! Howard, do YOU make a buttload?
Howard: Better than what YOU got a buttload of!

It smells pretty ripe in here. You kinda feel it in your eyes.

No, if I'm there alone, people might think I'm just a really short person from Avatar.

Howard: It's ridiculous that we still have to walk up all these stairs.
Bernadette: Yeah, try doing it in heels.
Howard: I am.

TBBT Quotes

Oh, Bernadette, please play my clarinet.

Raj's poem

Sheldon: I'll have a diet Coke.
Penny: Can you please order a cocktail? I need to practice mixing drinks.
Sheldon: Fine... I'll have a virgin Cuba Libre.
Penny: That's... rum and Coke without the rum.
Sheldon: Yes, and would you make it diet?