Oh my God, I'm the Jackie Robinson of the Kerkovich family!

Nobody solves things through tennis matches anymore bro; it's not the 80s.

I was gonna tell them we were going horseback riding, but I was afraid it would come out that I ride side saddle.

You look like Coolio when he takes his braids out.

I mean I haven't really kept up with my acting aside from memorizing every one of Taye Diggs' monologues from Private Practice, but that's just to stay sharp.

I got dumped by a girl in high school, licked my wounds, got way into anime and moved on.

She's not even instagramming anymore. She hasn't posted a picture of an appetizer all week.

Early on I realized that was turns you on the most is people agreeing with you. And you know I likes mah sex. Loves me some smush.

Winners win and losers lose and alcoholics they just booze. They win at drinking, that's their thing but our thing's just winning. We're Brad and Jane let's start the game. Sup suckas?


My love of rational business plans is clashing with my love of clandestine love affairs.

He's not lying, he once ladybugs'd himself into a jr high girls soccer tournament, bet against the team and threw the game.

Winter is coming.

Happy Endings Quotes

You're sweating on my bruschetta.

Jane [to Brad]

The weird part is, now that I have a guy, everybody wants to set me up. Oh I know Al! I should hook you up with one of my "extras."