Well, part of your discretion is falling out of your blouse.

Lynette: You tidied up the dead guy?
Bree: I felt it was respectful at the time.

You're here. You're queer, and I'm used to it.

No, I can't kill you today. I have Pilates.

It was lovely having sex with you. Have a wonderful day.

Have you ever taken the bus at 1 o'clock in the morning, Renee? It makes you stop believing in God.

Bree: I don't like your accusatory tone.
Gaby: Well, I'd use a different tone, but I'm trying to accuse you of something.

We just need to do this in the most efficient manner possible. Find the grave, dig up the body, wrap it in a tarp, weigh it down with some bricks, and toss it into the lake. I have all of the supplies in my trunk, along with clean towels, hand sanitizers, and breathing masks... in case the stench is overwhelming.

Now, go pack up your sex factory and I will bake us some cookies.

Bree: Is this actually happening? Gaby Solis is asking us for sex tips?
Gaby: I know. It's the apocalypse.

Robber: Get out!
Bree: What?!
Robber: I'm taking your car.
Bree: Oh my God, I could kiss you.

Chuck: Don't take this the wrong way, but you could do this professionally.
Bree: Coming from a man who's on a first name basis with half the hookers in Fairview, that's quite a compliment to take, Detective.

Desperate Housewives Quotes

There were many things Gabrielle Solis knew for certain. She knew red was her color. She knew diamonds went with everything and she knew men were all the same. But the one thing Gabrielle knew above all else...she would never want children. Unfortunately for Gabrielle, her husband, Carlos, felt differently. Yes, Gabrielle Solis knew without a doubt she didn't want to be a mother, but what she couldn't know was just how much her husband wanted to be a father, or that he'd been tampering with her birth control for months. Or that within one week's time, she'd be pregnant

Mary Alice

Preston: We don't want to get spanked.
Porter: Yeah, we promise we'll be good.
Lynette: Too late, you stole and then you lied. Even worse, you made me look bad in front of Mrs. McCluskey, who you know is mommy's sworn enemy. Time to pick your poison. How 'bout a belt? It's a classic... Well, we could go with the old hickory stick. It's a cliche, but it's pretty effective. I know, we'll go with the spatula. The holes give it less wind resistance; moves faster.
Scavo kids: No! No! No! No!
Lynette: Guys, guys, guys, hey my hands are tied. Thieves get spanked. Just the way it works. Unless...
Porter: Unless what?
Lynette: For a first time offense, if you swear, cross your heart, that you will never, never steal again, and you write Mrs. McCluskey a letter of apology, I will let it slide.
Scavo kids: Okay! Yeh! We swear! Yeh! We swear!
Lynette: Alright, start with Dear Mrs. McCluskey.
Porter: Mommy, why are you smiling?
Lynette: Do you know what physiological warfare means?
Porter: No.
Lynette: Well, too bad for you