Well, part of your discretion is falling out of your blouse.

Lynette: You tidied up the dead guy?
Bree: I felt it was respectful at the time.

You're here. You're queer, and I'm used to it.

No, I can't kill you today. I have Pilates.

It was lovely having sex with you. Have a wonderful day.

Have you ever taken the bus at 1 o'clock in the morning, Renee? It makes you stop believing in God.

Bree: I don't like your accusatory tone.
Gaby: Well, I'd use a different tone, but I'm trying to accuse you of something.

We just need to do this in the most efficient manner possible. Find the grave, dig up the body, wrap it in a tarp, weigh it down with some bricks, and toss it into the lake. I have all of the supplies in my trunk, along with clean towels, hand sanitizers, and breathing masks... in case the stench is overwhelming.

Now, go pack up your sex factory and I will bake us some cookies.

Bree: Is this actually happening? Gaby Solis is asking us for sex tips?
Gaby: I know. It's the apocalypse.

Robber: Get out!
Bree: What?!
Robber: I'm taking your car.
Bree: Oh my God, I could kiss you.

Chuck: Don't take this the wrong way, but you could do this professionally.
Bree: Coming from a man who's on a first name basis with half the hookers in Fairview, that's quite a compliment to take, Detective.

Desperate Housewives Quotes

Dr. Barr: Hey there. I was surprised to hear you wanted a session.
Bree: Well, there's nothing like being tied to a bed to change a girl's mind.
Dr. Barr: What do you wanna talk about?
Bree: Anything at all. As you said, I...I have a lot of issues.
Dr. Barr: Well, I assumed as much when you told the ridiculous story about your daughter running off with a murderer.
Bree: Saw right through that, did ya?
Dr. Barr: Well, I'm a trained professional, Bree. The human mind is my playground.
Bree: Well, I'm glad that you're having fun.

(to dead body) "Tu me manques, Monique" ("I Miss You Monique").

Orson