Andrew: You went in my room?
Bree: You think that's bad? Tomorrow, I'm cleaning it

Rex: So these tennis lessons we're taking. How are we doing?
Bree: My back hand is improving immensely, but you're still having problems with your serve.
Rex: Of course

Susan: Thanks for helping me break in. Do you think it's gonna be hard to replace that screen?
Mike: Well that depends. Nail it in yourself, you might wanna wear gloves. Or pants. Pants wouldn't hurt.
Susan: Okay. I know what just happened is funny, in theory, but I am nowhere near ready to laugh about it. So please, no jokes.
Bree: Hey, where've you been?
Mike: Um, Susan had a problem finding something to wear. Oh, was that the kinda thing you meant?
Susan: Pretty much

Bree: Rex. In college, when we first started dating, people were so jealous of us. We were the golden couple. Everybody knew we were going to have this wonderful life. Why is this happening?
Rex: Because you won't even let me pack my own suitcase

Bree: Do you remember when you proposed?
Rex: For God's sake.
Bree: We sat on Skyline Drive and drank a bottle of apple wine and when we finished it, you turned to me and you said, "If you marry me, Bree Mason, I promise to love you for the rest of my life." And even though I was engaged to Ty Grant, and even though my father didn't like you, I said yes

Rex: I can't believe you tried to kill me.
Bree: Yes, well, I feel badly about that

Danielle: Why can't we ever have normal soup?
Bree: Danielle, there is nothing abnormal about basil puree

Andrew: I'm saying, do you always have to serve cuisine? Can't we ever just have food?
Bree: Are you doing drugs?
Andrew: What?
Bree: Change in behavior is one of the warning signs and you have been as fresh as paint for the last six months. That certainly would explain why you're always locked in the bathroom.
Danielle: Trust me, that is not what he is doing.
Andrew: Shut up

Rex: Since when do you make mistakes?
Bree: What's that supposed to mean?
Rex: It means I'm sick of you being so damn perfect all the time. I'm sick of the bizarre way your hair doesn't move. I'm sick of you making our bed in the morning before I've even used the bathroom. You're this plastic suburban housewife with her pearls and her spatula who says things like "we owe the Hendersons a dinner." Where's the woman I fell in love with? Who used to burn the toast and drink milk out of the carton? And laugh? I need her. Not this cold perfect thing you've become

Rex: Are we gonna talk about what I said?
Bree: If you think I'm gonna discuss the dissolution of my marriage in a place where the restrooms are labeled "Chicks" and "Dudes", you are out of your mind

Desperate Housewives Quotes

There is a prayer intended to give strength to people faced with circumstances they don't want to accept. The power of the prayer comes from it's insight into human nature. Because so many of us rage against the hand that life has dealt us. Because so many of us are cowardly. And afraid to stand up for what is right. Because so many of us give into despair when faced with an impossible choice. The good news for those who utter these words is that God will hear you and answer your prayer. The bad news is that sometimes the answer is no.

Mary Alice

I love you once. I love you twice. I love you more than beans and rice.