Why name your daughter Megan? Are you stocking up for a bitch shortage?

I don't even believe in God, but I love me some Abed.

How many schools would let you get a degree in theoretical phys-ed?

I'm raising less money because I'm not jump starting date rapists.

I better not smile at that wall outlet, before you fry your face off!

Will someone back me up if I say this is ridiculous or is this going to be another Avatar situation?

Britta: So what's the context for constantly calling me as a lesbian?
Pierce: If the wallet chain fits... I'm just trying to help you find yourself.

I may not eat meat, but I'm not gonna eat that injustice.

Knock, Knock. Who's there? Cancer. Oh good, come in. I thought it was Britta.

Jeff: Guess where Rich is from?
Britta: Couldn't have been crazy town because you would have gone to high school together.

Britta: Someone's mom gave them way too much praise.
Jeff: Man, so did someone's psych teacher.

Don't be Mike Brady. Mike Brady's not sexy. You should be like Jo from Facts of Life.

Community Quotes

Sensible night, appropriate night.
Snow on ground, left and right.
Round yon purchase of decorative things.
Tolerant rewrite of carols to sing.
Function with relative ease,
Function with relative ease.

Shirley [sung to the tune of "Silent Night"]

Annie: How much effort am I worth?
Jeff: I'd break a light sweat.