South Park
Wednesdays 10:00 PM on Comedy CentralButters Stotch Quotes
He is not a girl. He is not a man. He is something you will understand. But he would die for me.
George R.R. Martin: It's the Red Wedding, isn't it? You hate how I killed everyone off?
Butters Stotch: Uh, no sir, we just really need to know about the dragons, but they never seem to show up.
George R.R. Martin: Oh, they're coming; the dragons are on their way.
Butters Stotch: When?
George R.R. Martin: You really wanna know?
Butters Stotch: Please, it's urgent!
George R.R. Martin: All right. King Joffrey is still at King's Landing, but there is a young blacksmith who wakes up one morning with a plan. And his weiner gently hangs down between his legs, soft and flaccid, his weiner glistens in the golden sunlight...
Butters Stotch: No! No! Can we just skip the weiner stuff and just get to the dragons?
Scott Malkinson: [winces painfully] Aw shit, I think I'm... I think I'm gonna faint.
The dragons are still just on their way! They keep promising dragons, but all I get are more floppy weiners in my face!
Butters Stotch: Wizard Cartman, I started watching Game of Thrones.
Eric Cartman: Ah, yes, paladin Butters. Are you enjoying it?
Butters Stotch: Well, it's pretty good, I guess, but have you ever noticed that almost ever time they show a guy's weiner, that guy's character is gay?
Eric Cartman: What do you mean?
Butters Stotch: Well, it's just that they have a lot of girls' boobs and vaginas and stuff, but most times they show a guy's weiner it's because that guy is in love scenes with another guy. You think it's because gay weiners are less threatening to women viewers?
Eric Cartman: I believe you might be missing the greater point of the show, paladin Butters.
Butters Stotch: Yeah, I know - winter is going and there's dragons and zombies on the way; I'm pretty excited for that. Just could do with a little less gay weiner is all.
Butters: I asked preacher, what about the New Testament? And he says well you still should ought to read it, but you gonna need to put an asterisk next to Jesus' name when ever it comes up!
Cartman: So weak, dude. Dark times, brah. Dark times.
Butters: What? Really? But I thought I was totally jealous of him! He's just married to Jennifer Garner? Oh my gosh, i feel so much better!
Kenny: You do?
Butters: Yeah, huh. I like that Ben Affleck guy. He's a good filmmaker. C'mon Kenny, I guess I owe the kids at school an apology. Did you see Argo, Kenny? It's a pretty good movie. Ben Affleck has a lot going for him. Not everything, but a lot. Whoopee!
You shouldn't be able to be good-looking, and be with Jennifer Lopez, and be a good director! alright, alright, fine! Argo is a good movie! There, I admitted it! I told people it didn't hold up, but it holds up, gosh darn it! Ben Affleck has everything, grah!
But what does being Hawaiian have to do with me being like an emo chick on her period?
Why don't you shut up, Dad, and stick it in your ear for crying out loud!
You're all fake, and stuck up, and none of you have the courage to tell Jimmy his jokes aren't funny! The only kid here with a sense of dignity is Kenny, and the rest of you have heads up your butts!
Somebody who would have sex with Kyle's mom would have sex with just about anything!
Stephen Stotch
Butters: Boy, I just don't get football. Guess that's why I suck at it.
Stan: You don't suck at football, Butters. You suck at all sports.
Butters: That's true!
