South Park
Wednesdays 10:00 PM on Comedy CentralButters Stotch Quotes
(Chris Stotch is walked in on by Butters while masturbating in a gay bathhouse private room)
Chris: AHH! Butters!
Butters: Hi, Dad!
Chris: Oh, god! Oh, ohhh!
Butters: I'm glad I found you! I think I know the perfect anniversary present for Mom. What are you doing with your wiener out there, Dad?
Chris: Butters, you need to leave here right now! You need to get out of here! Go home and wait for me to talk to you.
Butters: Oh...well, alright then. Well, see you at home!
(Butters closes the door, and heads back home)
Chris: Oh, Jesus no... oh, what have I done?
(On the phone) You're breaking my balls. I said, you're breaking my balls, Mr. Thompson. My, my balls.
Cartman: Butters take over for now. Remember what I taught you.
Butters: Come on Jerry you are breakingmy balls. That's right. You heard me. You're breakingmyballs.
Butters: Hey fellas, hey fellas! Eric says you gotta come to his house right away.
Stan: Tell him we're busy.
Butters: Oh ah, well he knew you'd say that so he told me to tell you that you don't want to miss this.
Kyle: What? Did he lose 100 pounds?
(The boys laugh)
Butters: Yea, yea he knew you'd say that too so he said to say, uh "Up your ass Jew".
(Butters touches the cow crap) Ew, it's all sticky.
Stan: Just because we rip on you for being rich doesn't mean we don't like you.
Kyle: Yeah we're guys dude; we find something about all our friends to rip on. We make fun of you for being rich like we rip on Butters for acting wimpy.
Butters: They sure do.
Stan: Yeah and like we rip on Kyle for being a Jew.
Kyle: And Stan for being in love with Wendy.
Stan: Yeah I get it for that.
Kyle: And Cartman for being fat.
Cartman: Uh huh.
Kyle: And Cartman for being stupid.
Cartman: Yeah.
Kyle: And Cartman for having a whore for a mom.
Cartman: Hey.
Kyle: And Cartman for being a sadistic asshole.
Cartman: Ay!! You did me already.
Token: You're right guys, for now on I'm find for being made fun of for being rich.
Stan: Oh we're not going to rip on you for being rich anymore.
Token: You're not?
Kyle: No dude, since you got your feelings so hurt for being ripped on, now we think you're a pussy.
Stan: Yeah now you're a pussy, pussaholic.
Kyle: Come on nurse Token we're going to play football ya puss.
Cartman: Pussy!
Butters: Yeah what a pussy.
Craig: Yeah that guy's a pussy.
Linda: Butters can't come out and play, boys. He thinks it's funny to look like a jackass in his school pictures that I have to pay for!
Butters: Huh, but I told you mom. I didn't mean to look like a jackass! It just happened.
Chris Stotch: Butters, are you ready to stop with the stupid faces?
Butters: I sure am dad.
Chris Stotch: Alright, you can take the paper bag off.
Butters: (takes bag off)Thanks dad. I'm sorry I was ba--
Chris Stotch: Oh, very funny young man! You think it's clever to make yourself up like a girl?!!
Butters: Bu-bu-bu Dad I-I didn-
Chris Stotch: Did you use your mother's makeup? She's going to be furious!
Butters: I'm not wearing make-up, Dad.
Chris Stotch: Put that bag back on!
Butters: Yes Sir. (puts bag back on)
Kyle: Remember when life used to be simple and cool?
Cartman: Not really.
Butters: (walks to the bus stop) Uh, hey. How's it going fellas?
Stan: Butters! What the hell do you think you're doing??
Butters: Well, I'm just standing around being a kid, why? How come you're wearing them oogy spaceman masks?
Kyle: These are gas masks, Butters!
Stan: Yeah, if you don't wear a gas mask, you'll be easily exposed to smallpox or anthrax!
Butters: What?! Oh, Jesus! I don't wanna get the 'thrax, fellas! W-what do I do??
Stan: There's nothing you can doexcept stop breathing.
Butters: Stop breathing??
Kyle: Yeah, you can't get it if you don't breath.
Butters: Oh, all right, then! (inhales deeply and holds breath)
Cartman: Just tell them that if they leave town peacefully, we won't have to resort to violence.
Butters: [wearing mask; deep voice] Just walk away. You can put a stop to all this. Just walk away and we will spare your lives. Just walk away.
Kyle: [to Stan] Man, he's pretty good.
Oh geez, I don't wanna get the AIDS fellas.
[all the boys, except Cartman, look the same with the same clothes and no hair]
Stan: Kyle, I'm starting to think that this is a really bad idea.
Butters: I'm not Kyle, I'm Butters. I thought you were Kyle.
Stan: No, I'm Stan.
Kyle: You're Stan? Where's Kenny?
Stan: Who are you?
Kyle: I'm Kyle.
Cartman: Hehe, guess who I am, guys?
