This is a coup. When you get in with Jasper, doors open. He's a legacy at Happy Time Preschool.

Cameron: Did you hear that woman screaming my name?
Mitchell: That was Phil. He had a Red Bull.

Dylan: I don't think we'd like the same music.
Cam: Because I'm gay and only like show tunes?
Dylan: Because you're old.
Cam: Well, that hurt more, Dylan.

Mitchell's new boss: Do you guys surf?
Cameron: Only for bargains on the Web!

Business partners, mergers and acquisitions. Just kidding, we're gay!

I can't pressure Mitchell. But I really, really, really just want him to get a job so I can go back to being a stay-at-home dad/trophy wife.

You're so cute when you're angry with you're little fists. I just want to put you in my pocket.

Oh man, if a spider would have broken in here, he would have been in trouble.

Gloria: This part of town, might be very rough, but the people here, Cameron, are the best!
Cameron: I'm pretty sure I had wheels when I parked here.

Cameron: I was nervous. There was a lot of different food on the menu, and on the floor and on the wall.
Mitchell: Are we sure we're not exaggerating just a little bit?
Cameron: Were you there, Mitchell? Because I think I would have recognized the only other white or gay person.

Cameron [about him and Gloria]: On paper we should be good friends, one spicy curvy diva.
Mitchell: And Gloria.

Mitchell: I never went to sports games with him.
Cameron: Probably because you call them sports games. Lose the sports.

Modern Family Quotes

By the way, do not look up peeing games on the internet.

Jay

You can't have two fun parents... You know that kid Liam who wears pajama pants to school and pays for things with a hundred-dollar bill? Two fun parents.

Claire