The Simpsons
Sundays 8:00 PM on FOXCarl Carlson Quotes
Lenny: Why do they call this a yard of ale?
Carl: Easy, after you drink it, you're passed out in a yard.
Lenny(on piracy): That was so much better than the cinema. It mixes the wonder of movie-going with the rush of stealing.
Carl: All we want is brand new, big-budget entertainment in our homes for nothing. Why doesn't Hollywood get that?
Homer: Wait, you guys saw the new Radioactive man sequel?
Carl: Uh, it's not sequel,it's a reboot.
Lenny: Actually, this one undoes the stuff from the last one, so it's a deboot.
Quimby: Don't you idiots see what this means.
Lenny: Idiots? Why do we re-elect this guy?
Carl: Because his opponent has a long Slavic name.
Moe: Read 'em and weep. The novels of Charlotte Bronte.
Carl: I thought we were playing cards.
Carl: Why don't we talk about it over at Moe's?
Homer: It's not even noon.
Carl: Yeah, I got a watch, egghead.
What's what the new security guard? He's acting all aloof. By the way, that's my word now - "he's."
I can't do it. A balloon saved one of my arteries. It wouldn't seem right to shoot one of his cousins.
Lenny: Homer, don't be so quick to abandon this paparazzo thing.
Carl: Yeah, it's the American tradition to cut people down to size because they're brought so much joy into our lives.
Lenny: You know who I can't stand? That Robin Williams. You know one time I saw him eating dinner with his children. He wouldn't take the time out to do all the funny bits from his movies.
Carl: And my sister once saw Burt Reynolds at an airport, and he wouldn't even cosign her mortgage.
Homer: You guys are right! I should get back into the game. (Moaning) Oh, but I threw away my camera!
Moe: Oh, here. (Hands Homer his camera) Use this one. I was gonna use it to take secret photos in the ladies' toilet, but no dames ever come in this joint.
Homer: Thanks, Moe. (Leaves the bar)
Moe: Sure.
(Two pretty women enter)
Woman #1: Excuse me, do you have a ladies' room?
Woman #2: We need to trade bras and panties.
Moe: Oh! You gotta be kidding me! (Breaks a beer bottle horizontally with his hands.)
Young Carl: I wish for world peace.
Young Barney: I wish for world war.
Young Carl: That would be cooler.
Lenny: The flames are heading straight for our flammable district!
Carl: That's where our mom works.
Carl: What's wrong Moe?
Moe: I just got this strange feeling Homer's in trouble.
Lenny: That's weird I just got this strange feeling some guy I don't know named Fausto is in trouble.
Moe: Come on we got to save Homer!
Lenny: And Fausto!
