Family Guy
Sundays 9:00 PM on FOXCarter Pewterschmidt Quotes
Carter: What's going on here?
Peter: We're taking what's ours! Actually, we're taking what's yours, but we don't think you deserve it, so we're calling it ours and taking it!
Chris (Luke): One of these days, I'm just gonna take off and join the Rebellion whether you like it or not.
Barbara Pewterschmidt (Aunt Beru): Over my burnt carcass.
Chris, welcome to the Skull and Bones Society. This is where the most powerful men in the world are groomed for their futures. Every president, every CEO, every douchebag named Ryan Seacrest.
Carter Pewterschmidt: Sorry Master Herbert.
Herbert: Sorry? You better get your ass in that closet Pewterschmidt.
Carter Pewterschmidt: Yes sir. (walks to the closet)
Herbert: I am so tired of you.
(Carter Pewterschmidt walks in his living room to find Peter naked, kissing Lois)Carter Pewterschmidt: Why are you naked in my house?!Peter: (turning around to Mr. Pewterschmidt) Uh....(pauses)...why aren't you?Carter Pewterschmidt: (long pause) ..You're alright Griffin.
Peter: It sure was nice for you to invite us out on your yacht, mr Pewterschmidt.
Carter: It's not a boat, it's a yacht. Oh sorry, I thought you said boat.
Nate Griffin: Hi, I'm Nate Griffin. I work against my will for your dad.
Lois Pewterschmidt: Oh, yeah? What do you do?
Nate Griffin: Well, let's just say I know my way around a hoe!
Mr. Pewterschmidt: (indicates his wife) Look at my wife! Do you think I love her?!
Lois Griffin: Wait a minute. Are you saying that two straight people who absolutely hate each other have more of a right to be married than gay people who love each other?!
Mrs. Pewterschmidt: Well, that's what we raised you to believe.
Peter: Hi Mr. Pewterschmidt!
Carter Pewterschmidt: Hello, Peter.
Peter: What's up?
Carter Pewterschmidt: Good...oh dammit...I mean...not much.
Peter: Whatcha got there?
Carter Pewterschmidt: Oh this? It's a gun.
Peter: Oh yeah?
Carter Pewterschmidt: Yeah, I'm going to kill you.
I lost my home, my money, and perhaps just as serious, my wife left me!
Peter: You can stay with us if you want, you filthy hobo. You shouldn't be embarrassed of mooching off your kids at age seventy.
Carter: Go to hell, fathead! Wait, have I used that one? No I haven't. Go to hell, fathead!
Peter: Hey Meg, uh, we're trying to make some money and, um, would you like to buy some pot from your granddaddy and me?
Meg: Uh. Wow. Sure.
Peter: Aw. Fantastic.
(Carter hits Meg with a lamp)
Peter: What the hell was that for?
Carter: Now we've got the pot and the money.
