Chandler Bing Quotes
Ross: Ben loves you. He's just being Mr. Crankypants.
Chandler: You know, I once dated a Miss Crankypants. Lovely girl, kinda moody.
Becky: So what are you guys out doing today?
Joey: Oh we're not out. No, no. We're just uh, two heterosexual guys, hanging with the son of our other heterosexual friend, doing the usual straight guy stuff.
Chandler: You done?
Joey: Yeah.
Robin: Oh, there's our stop.
Joey: Get outta here. This is our stop too.
Becky: You guys live around here too?
Joey: Oh, yeah, yeah, sure. We live in the building by the... uh... sidewalk.
Chandler: You know it?
Chandler: I will have the uh, Cajun catfish.
Waiter: Anything else?
Chandler: Yes, how about a verse of "Killing Me Softly"?
Jade: (A voice on the answering machine) Hello, I'm looking for Bob. This is Jane. I don't know if you're still at this number, but I was just thinking about us, and how great it was, and, well, I know it's been three years, but, I was kinda hoping we could hook up again. I barely had the nerve to make this call, so you know what I did?
Chandler: (Talking to himself) What?
Jade: I got a little drunk ... and naked.
Chandler: Bob here. (He picks up the telephone) What've you been up to?
Chandler: Okay, while Ross is on the phone, everybody owes me 62 bucks for his birthday.
Phoebe: Um, is, is there any chance that you're rounding up? You know, like from, like 20?
Monica: Guys, we bought the tickets.
Phoebe: Oh, well, then you'll have extra seats, you know, for all your tiaras and stuff.
Chandler: Why did you look at me when you said that?
Chandler: Oh, come on. I can never get a girl like that with conventional methods.
Ross: That doesn't matter. She wanted to call Bob. Hey, for all we know, Bob is who she was meant to be with. You may be destroying two people's chance for happiness.
Chandler: We don't know Bob, okay? We know me. We like me. Please let me be happy.
Ross: (Calculating the bill) So five of us is ... $33.50 a piece.
Phoebe: No. No way. Sorry, not gonna happen.
Chandler: Whoa, whoa. Prom night flashback.
Chandler: Ah, you see Tattoo, Ms. Jade's fantasy is to rekindle the love she once had with Bob.
Ross: You know what my fantasy is? That you talk like a normal person.
Ross: (While watching television) Man, I sure miss Julie.
Chandler: Spanish midgets. Spanish midgets wrestling. Julie. Okay, yes, I see how you got there.
Ross: (About the phone ringing) Still doing the screening thing?
Chandler: I had sex today. I never have to answer that phone again.
Machine: (Joey's voice) Here comes the beep, you know what to do.
Jade: Hey, Bob, it's Jade. Listen, I just wanted to tell you that I was really hurt when you didn't show up the other day, and just so you know, I ended up meeting a guy.
Chandler: Bob here.
Jade: Oh, hi.
Chandler: So, uh, you met someone, huh?
Jade: Yes, yes, I did. In fact, I had sex with him two hours ago.
Chandler: So, uh, how was he?
Jade: Eh.
Chandler: Eh?
Jade: Oh, Bob, he was nothing compared to you. I had to bite my lip to keep from screaming your name.
Chandler: (Tying to act cool) Well, that makes me feel so good.
Jade: It was just so awkward and bumpy.
Ross: (Mouthing) Bumpy?
Chandler: Well, maybe he had some kind of uh, new, cool style, that you're not familiar with. And maybe you have to get used to it.
Jade: Well there really wasn't much time to get used to it, you know what I mean?
Chandler: I'm not sorry I'm late. How incredible was my afternoon with Jade?
Ross: Well, pretty incredible according to the message she left you on my machine. Hey, Chandler, why is this woman leaving a message for you on my machine?
Chandler: Oh, see, I had to tell her that my number was your number, because I couldn't tell her that my number was my number because she thinks that my number is Bob's number.
