Could we, like, not talk about sucking penises? Or getting raped in the butt?

Get the demon and the goblin out and we got Pete!

They mess with their brains up there, don’t they.

The psycho struggle!

Frank: A cowboy and a teacher walk into a store..
Charlie: Well that doesn’t make any sense. Cowboys hate teachers, they’re independent thinkers!

We can make much money!

I don't know if you guys have noticed, but I've kind of had trouble closing it with the waitress.

Charlie: It's a Wade Boggs style! Give me another one!
Mac: You know, that's the only ball I have. And I didn't really expect you to hit one.

I can do it just give me the bat I got game.

Mac: There's a secret hatch on the airplane that allows me to travel anywhere.
Charlie: Yeah, everybody knows that.

Dude I can't stop drinking now, I'd probably die!

He just did because he was thirsty, and he had to pass some time.

It's Always Sunny Quotes

Dennis: I am having feelings again. Like some kind of fourteen year old kid. You remember, feelings right?
Mac: Yeah. I have feelings every single day of my life.
Dennis: Do you?
Mac: Are you saying you don't have feelings?
Dennis: What I'm saying is a built up a shell.. a shell around myself. A cold, calculated shell that couldn't be broken by anything but marriage.

If you say another word, I swear to god I will slice you into a million little pieces, and put those pieces in a box, a glass box, that I will display on my mantle.