A TV star criticizing his writers, what has this world come to? Another bully for your collection boys.

Chief Wiggum: I've got everything I need to convict your boy, except for motive, means, and opportunity.
Lou: You also have no evidence.
Chief Wiggum: That's implied.

Lisa: Nobody form any opinions while I'm gone.
Chief Wiggum: Well, hurry! We have no minds of our own.

When I look at people I don't see colors; I just see crackpot religions.

Ah he's a dumb kid, but he's an above average dog. Roll over, son!

Wiggum (on Ralphie)

Chief Wiggum: Get me a t-shirt - XXL.
Lou: I thought you said XXL was a real wake up call?
Chief Wiggum: That was for pants.

Homer: (To Milhouse) Cops. Act natural.
Homer (Imitating a woman) Oh hello officer!
Chief Wiggum: (While driving by) Oh hello, Ma'am! (To self) What is it about a women and a dumpster.

Chief Wiggum: As you can see, I've gotten everything I ever wanted.
Lou: Except pants that fit.

Lou: No sign of the Serpent.
Wiggum: It's always work with you.

Bart: (Crashes through window) Party's over, Serpent.
Wiggum: No kidding, you're standing in the dip.

(In "Married to the Blob," Dr. Phil confronts Homer during one of his eating rampages.)
Dr. Phil: You've got a weight problem, and you know it!
Homer: You're right. Starting tomorrow, no bread before dinner.
Dr. Phil: Homer, don't sell me an outhouse and tell me it's a Taj Mahal!
Chief Wiggum: Yeah, Homer, stop doing that!

Female Golem: There's a latke bar downstairs.
Chief Wiggum: Latke? What the hell's a latke?
Female Golem: They're pan-fried--
Chief Wiggum: Case dismissed!!

The Simpsons Quotes

Larry: What you got riding on this?
Homer: My daughter.
Larry: What a gambler!

Maggie? Oh, you must be sick. Let's see, what's old Dr. Washburn prescibe? Do you have dropsy? The grippe? Scofula? The vapors? Jungle rot? Dandy fever? Poor man's gout? Housemaid's knee? Climatic poopow? The staggers? Dum-dum fever?

</i> Abe