Grab that letter opener over there. I'm going to show you why you should never mail cash.

I'd be happy to get you an interview. And as a white woman, you'd be the minority here. Unless you're an alcoholic.

Oh, yeah. Black guys put hot sauce on everything on account most of us have been pepper-sprayed by the time we're two.

Giggity.

  • Permalink: Giggity
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You want the media to go away? Just mention black on black crime.

I love putting my hands down my pants when I'm on drugs.

Whew, I was damn near out of tweed.

Your kid's got a walk in closet?! Two of mine gotta sleep in the car!

That's the Riddler. He would make inquiries to set your mind a-jumble.

[when he has an orgasm with Carolyn] Wait. Wait! Wait!! OHHHH!!! And boom goes the dynamite.

Peter: Cleveland?
Cleveland: Hey fellas.
Peter: Holy crap! Who knew we'd run into you, except everyone cause FOX ruined it in the promos.

Joe: (about Peter's parrot) Hey Peter you kinda look like a pirate with that thing on your shoulder.
Peter: A pirate? Oh cool!
Cleveland: You should get a pirate name.
Joe: And a peg leg.
Cleveland: And a hook hand.
Quagmire: And you should have sex with that crossing guard even though she looked young, and then I found out she was 12.
(everyone stares at him)
Quagmire: I mean you should get an eye patch.
Joe: Eye patch would be cool.

Family Guy Quotes

Hi, I'm Wilford Brimley and I have diabetes. It hurts me to pee and it causes me to be short with my family. I can't sleep at night. The other day I stubbed my toe and took it out on the dog. And two weeks ago I ran out of vanilla ice cream and struck my wife. Then I find out my wife has been dead for six years. Who the hell did I hit?

Wilford Brimley

Cleveland: Peter, that's Bruno Mars.
Peter: Bruno Mars? Who's she?
Cleveland: She's a man. And he's not even black. He's a beautiful, mixed-up tomorrow person.