J.D.: Denise brought some non-alcholic beer.
Denise: Yeah, I got it for this dude I'm railing, he used to be an alky.
Drew: Not an appropriate time to bring all that up, but there it is.
Cole: And I brought some sensual body chocolate. What's the situation with the big old D's? Got any milk yet?

Drew: You haven't done any cutting on the cadaver yet.
Lucy: I can't wait to get in there.
Cole: Hells yeah. My woman's gonna go all Edward Scissorhands on his ass. I'm making a hedge.
Drew: Is he really good in bed?
Lucy: He'd have to be.
Drew: I'd hope so for your sake.

Cole: Oh like you're so great? you're wishy washy, you're obsessed with horses and there's that weird role play where you make me pretend I'm black.
Lucy: Is this coming from Cole or Deshaun?
Cole: Both.

You can't just jump in front of golf carts, that's how gardeners die.

You're smart, nice and smell like the beach. Not like the kind of beach with dead fish, homeless dudes camping, and that weird foamy stuff...

I hope the school has insurance, because my keynote speech is gonna blow the roof off this mother.

Cole: Hey Dr. Cox, I just finished cleaning that guys foot ulcer.
Dr. Cox: How'd that go for you?
Cole: I'm not gonna lie, I yacked on his face. Other than that.. crushed it!

Denise: So, you and me. We're gonna have a stupid jar. Everytime you say something stupid, we're gonna put a nickel in that jar and when it gets nice and full, we're going to beat you with it.
Cole: Dude, how much fun is she in the sack?
Drew: More scary than fun.

Lucy: I have nine thousand things to do today, go back to sleep.
Cole: Girl once you wake up the troops you gotta storm the beach.
Lucy: You are actually on my to do list.

Cole: Hey, you got any of those weiner pills?
Kelso: Who do you think you're talking to son? I'll give you one for $10.
Cole: You got change for a $20?
Kelso: Nope. [takes money] We'll drop a couple of these bad boys and go trolling for ladies at the airport bar.
Cole: Will you be my grandpa?

Lucy: Cole, will you please be my blood buddy?
Cole: Sorry baby, no can do, I have small baby veins. It has something to do with my mom eating blow fish during the third tri-mom.

Drew: How'd you get him to talk?
Paulie: We had a conversation, all hot stuff did here was ask me questions off the form.
Drew: Are you choosing to smile and ignore the insult because he called you hot stuff?
[Lucy nods]
Drew: Thatta girl.
Cole: Did you know Paulie got a purple heart in Korea? I didn't even know we fought Korea!

Scrubs Quotes

J.D.: Dan was in my tub for four hours, drinking beers and singing "She's Gone."
Dan: How do you take a bath?

J.D: I was still trying to get my intern Joe to be more sensitive with her patient
[flashes into room with patient]
Denise: Don't worry Mr Hepburn, a lot of people are afraid needles. I was only surprised because you're the first one I've come across that doesn't have a vagina
[they leave the room]
Denise: Did you know that guy was a priest?
J.D: I did