Pam: So everyone here knows pirate code?
Creed: I understand it, I can't speak it.

Best Edward James Olmos costume I've ever seen...like freaky good.

Creed: Well I really, really, really liked it.
Andy: Well that really bums me out.
Creed: You're welcome.

Plumber: You're the guy who boo'd me.
Michael: Mmm. No. There were a lot of people booing you, I wasn't one of them.
Plumber: Uhh, I saw you. And you were the only one.
Michael: Get your eyes checked chuckle head.
Creed: Be cool Michael, I saw this guy kill a bunch of people.

Everywhere I look it's Betty White this and Betty White that. Finally a kid who's not talking about Betty White. Of course I follow him.

He's been trashing us relentlessly on Twitter. Now it's funny stuff, but mean.

I think we can all agree it's either Gabe or Angela. [Flips coin] It's Angela. Get her, boys.

I've done a lot more for a lot less.

You ever notice you can only ooze two things? Sexuality and pus. Man, I tell ya.

Have you tried making everything smaller?

Pam: So Santa, what can we expect from this party?
Phyllis: It's going to be a very jolly time if you've been good!
Creed: What if you've been bad?
Phyllis: Oh, then nothing but a lump of coal for you!
Creed: What if you've been really, really bad? Like more evil, and strictly wrong.
Jim: Okay, Creed, we covered it. Lump of coal.
Phyllis: Yeah ...

Guys, I'm starting to think Pam's not even pregnant.

The Office Quotes

Dwight: What is my perfect crime? I break into Tiffany's at midnight. Do I go for the vault? No, I go for the chandelier. It's priceless. As I'm taking it down, a woman catches me. She tells me to stop. It's her father's business. She's Tiffany. I say no. We make love all night. In the morning the cops come and I escape in one of their uniforms. I tell her to meet me in Mexico but I go to Canada. I don't trust her. Besides, I like the cold. Thirty years later, I get a postcard. I have a son and he's the chief of police. This is where the story gets interesting: I tell Tiffany to meet me in Paris, by the Trocadero. She's been waiting for me all these years; she's never taken another lover. I don't care, I don't show up. I go to Berlin. That's where I stashed the chandelier.

Guess what, I have flaws. What are they? Oh, I don't know. I sing in the shower. Sometimes I spend too much time volunteering. Occasionally I'll hit somebody with my car. So sue me... No, don't sue me. That is the opposite of the point that I'm trying to make.

Michael