Creed Bratton Quotes
Creed: It's crazy what's going on out there today, huh?
Jim: I know. Yeah, it's... kinda -
Creed: Sometimes it's best just to stay out of it.
Jim: That's true. That's right. Yeah.
Creed: I want to set you up with my daughter.
Jim: Oh, I'm engaged to Pam.
Creed: I thought you were gay.
Jim: Then why would you want to set me up with your daughter?
Creed: I don't know.
Creed: These are terrible boss. You gotta make them in a circle so that they cook evenly.
Michael: These are shaped like paper.
Creed: Well I don't even want these. [Takes rectangle pancakes out of his coat]
Meredith: I'll take them for my kid.
Creed: [feeding coins into a vent] I think it's 75 cents.
Oscar: That's a lot.
Pam: Thanks for much for helping the company, Dwight.
Dwight: Oh Pam.
Creed: Good work, kid.
Dwight: Thanks old man.
David: This, this is great. Oh, OK, look I want to get you on the horn with the marketing people in New York. The should meet you.
Dwight: Yeah.
David: Pam, could you set up a call in there in about 15 minutes, please?
Pam: Sure.
Michael: David? David?
Michael: I am just a net that traps all of your crappy subconscious ideas and adds a little bit of my own childhood memories and whimsy, so -
Jim: So, well I lost a ton of money today and I have a mortgage, so I'm a little pissed too.
Michael: Thank you, Jim is with me.
Jim: Absolutely not, I'm mad at you.
Michael: Well you know what Jim? It is not my fault that you bought a house to impress Pam. That is why carnations exist.
Creed: That's not why.
Angela: Hello, everyone. Oh, ice cream. Nice, Kevin. Looks good.
Kevin: It... yeah.
Oscar: Angela, you're more chipper than usual.
Angela: I am proud to announce that there is a new addition to the Martin family. She's hypoallergenic. She doesn't struggle when you try to dress her. She's a third-generation show cat. Her father was in 'Meet the Parents.' Needless to say, she was very, very expensive.
Meredith: How much?
Angela: Seven thousand dollars.
Creed: For a cat? I could get you a kid for that.
Creed: This gal, she's really into you?
Andy: Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I've seen her, like, three times today. And we love all the same music, and whenever I walk into a room, she totally looks up.
Creed: All right, all right. Say no more. So, this is how I got squeaky fromme. No small talk. Just show her who's the boss. Just go right in and kiss her.
Andy: Okay, it sounds risky.
Creed: Have I ever steered you wrong, Jim?
Andy: Wait, what?
Dwight: Attention everyone, I just got a text from Michael. He says personnel day. Are we hiring?
Jim: Yep. You're being replaced.
Pam: I think he meant personal day.
Dwight: Oh, that's quite a leap Pam.
Phyllis: I hope he's ok, I feel bad.
Creed: Give it up, he's dead.
Jim: He just sent a text.
Creed: What's a text?
Phyllis: You've got no taste Stanley Hudson.
Stanley: Oh, I do.
Andy: What are you guys talking about?
Stanley: Some actress, whether she's hot.
Andy: Who is the gal in question?
Phyllis: Hillary Swank.
Creed: Ah, Hillary Swank.
Kelly: There's Andy, he's in his car. You guys, what is he doing?
Phyllis: Why isn't Dwight turning around?
Oscar: The Prius is silent if he keeps it under five miles per hour. He deserves the win.
Creed: Yeah.
Andy: Where's Dwight?
Jim: You okay, man?
Andy: No. Not at all, actually. But thanks for asking. Appreciate it. You know what? I'd also like to take this opportunity to thank all of you for lying. To my face. And not telling me what's been going on this entire time.
Creed: You are welcome.
