Dave Quotes
Bret: Okay, Dave, do you have any special skills?
Dave: I can make a weapon out of pretty much anything. Like when I'm gardening, some a-hole tries to sneak up and take me out - watering can tied to a hose. (whipping noises) Cops show up, "What's that, officer? Just watering the geroniums."
Dave: You guys seem a lot cooler today. Usually you guys wear clothes from the 70's.
Jermaine: They're not from the 70's, they're from New Zealand.
Dave: Isn't that the same thing?
Jermaine: Similar I suppose.
Woman [to Dave at New Zealand Town information booth]: What language do you speak here?
Dave: Um, we pretty much make it up as we go along. That's why the people from there are so hard to understand
I think you've gotta use honesty here. I mean, you know, it's always the best policy. Like the other day there was five, well, maybe there was like four really hot foreign chicks, either like Swedish or Korean, in my shop, and they were like "Dave, we wanna have a five way with you." I just told them, "honestly, okay." Then I gave it to 'em. Hard.
Murray: He may be dead.
Dave: He maybe did what?
Murray: He may be dead.
Dave: I know, but what did he maybe do?
Murray: He may be dead.
Dave: Yeah, maybe he did, maybe he didn't. What did he maybe do?
Bret: No, he may be dead.
Dave: Are you guys fucking with me?
Dave: I don't wanna be a dick, but could you guys move away? I'm trying to look lonely.
Jemaine: Lonely? What for?
Dave: Chicks are attracted to lonely guys. It's a psychological analogy.
Bret: What about Eugene?
[Eugene is seen eating alone]
Dave: He knows what he's doing