Dean: What's our mission?
Dr. Venture: Your mission is to have the best damn home-school prom 500$ can buy!

You can't collect scientists and not have a Rusty Venture on your mantel.

Hank: I am not going to College!
Dr. Venture: Darn tootin' your not. Now get back in that bed until you graduate.

Brock: We had to make sacrifices.
Dr. Venture: Like covering yourselves in rotten eggs. Do you know how bad you smell?
Brock: No, ass! Like living next to the boys for a year and not being able to tell them that they're safe. That kinda sacrifice!
Hunter: I had my pud removed, then reattached.
ShoreLeave: I pretended I became a religious fanatic.
Sky Pilot: I pretended to be in love with ShoreLeave.
ShoreLeave: Oh! And I pretended I liked having sex with him every night.

I wasn't allowed to wear long pants until I went to college, is it any wonder I was a virgin until my twenties?

Johnny [about Dr. Venture]: I'm the old one, but he looks like he could be my dad.
Dr. Venture: That's because you have more chemical preservatives than a twinkie, and don't try and tell me that's not a weave.

Action Johnny: Hey, how are those balls doing, Rust?
Dr. Venture: Spirit is up and roving, but opportunity hasn't come back on-line yet.

Dr. Venture: Well, Daphne, I believe. She got around quite a bit. But Velma? I always thought she was a...
Action Johnny: Everybody did. But I got a pack of herpes that says otherwise.

Action Johnny: Dudes, get back! That is a Vietnamese Two-Step Viper! One bite, and you're dead before you take two steps.
Dale Hale: There's no such thing.
Action Johnny: Yeah, I'm making it up. It's right there, dude! That ain't a [bleep] fucking hologram or an old lighthouse keeper in a rubber mask, okay?
Dale Hale: I mean there's no such snake. That's an urban myth.
Lance Hale: Bro's right. I Googled it.
Dr. Venture: Hey, Encyclopedia Brown-Noser, can you Google this thing away from me?

What happened? Did I just kill Premature Ejaculation?

Dr. Venture: Dean, I remember when the Action Man would wake me up with a gun pointed at my head. He'd just hold it there and pull the trigger. I'd hear the click really loud because it was right against my forehead.
Dean: So it echoes.
Dr. Venture: Right, it sounded like he snapped one of my teeth out. Click. And then he'd go "Not today, Rusty, not today."
Dean: Golly. And you took it because you had to?
Dr. Venture: No, Dean, I took it because I was Rusty Venture, Boy Adventurer. I didn't ask for this life, Dean. But it's mine. Sure, I fall down in this speedsuit. But I get up and wet-nap my puke off.
Dean: Do you have one?
Dr. Venture: I got a pocket full of those lemony little devils.It all comes with that outfit, Dean. It's not all bad. I mean, I am a super-scientist. Loved. Feared. Well, I have a lawn full of bad guys who want my... what do they want?

Dr. Venture [outside the bathroom]: I have a list of inappropriate behavior. Number one: this! Don't do this!
Sgt. Hatred: What's number two?
Dr. Venture: Nothing. I don't have a number two. I don't even have a list. Get out of the bathroom!

Venture Bros. Quotes

Hank: You are not the boss of me
Sgt Hatred: Au contraire, I am tony danza to your spunky Alyssa Milano. I am full on Charles In Charge of you

Hank: Is it just me or does every Nazi want to clone Hitler? It's like the only they think about
Srgt. Hatred: It seems that way, right. I guess when everyone hates you, you just fixate on making rotten Hitlers