Bobby's a very nurturing bitch.

I call that rippin' on D-bags with Ellie.

Ellie: I need a drink.
Grayson: Tough day?
Ellie: No, why?

  • Permalink: No, why?
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Oh I'll take one. I just want to see what date it was so I know not to come.

Talking like a douche is not helping your case.

Call your not stupid wife.

I don't remember taking any hallucinogenic drugs, but why else would I be seeing you in my house?

I did not watch Chapstick, but I did watch him to leave.

Ellie: Stan is a major handful.
Laurie: Bitch please, one of my brother's thought he was a pitbull.

Laurie: Highway to the lady zone, what what.
Ellie: Highway indeed.

Ellie: We're at a public event this is not the place for ear sex and a full body rub down.
Laurie: All you do is take me granted.

What’s the fun of having a yard sale if we can’t mock the low life's that shop there?

Cougar Town Quotes

Jules: You see that young gentleman there, I'd love to lick his body
Woman: That's my son
Jules: Ooh, he looks smart

Jules: When a 40-something guy gets divorced, it's always: "Way to go, Tiger!"
Grayson: We don't call each other Tiger. It's always Champ, or Samurai.