South Park
Wednesdays 10:00 PM on Comedy CentralEric Cartman Quotes
Cartman: Alright that's it, SCREW YOU GUYS; I'm going to home school.
Mr. Garrison: Oh please God, let it be forever.
Mayor McDaniels: Alright, Eric. Here's your word. Chair.
Cartman: C'mon Phonics monkey, drum!
(Monkey does nothing)
Cartman: C'MON!
(Monkey is doing something, but not drumming)
Cartman: Eric, your word is chair!
Cartman: UhhDefinition?
Mayor McDaniels: Something you sit on.
Cartman: Country of origin?
Mayor McDaniels: English!
Cartman: Could you use it in a sentence?
Mayor McDaniels: FOR GOD SAKES, KID, THE WORD IS CHAIR!
Cartman: ChairC-H-A-R-E (Buzzer) Dammit, how come I always get the hard ones? (Runs off the stage) GET OVER HERE, YOU SON OF A BITCH PHONICS MONKEY!
Stan: Oh, my god! Fonics monkey killed Kenny!
Cartman: You're damn right, he did.
(Mark, the home schooled kid, rolls into Mr. Garrison's class in a giant hamster ball.)
Mark: Hey guys, what's up?
Cartman: Dude, what's wrong with you, you got some kind of John Travolta disease or something?
Mr. Garrison: Alright children, let's all just try to ignore the fact that there's a little boy in a giant hamster ball and continue on with our lesson, okay?
Cartman: You're going down bitch!
Kyle: Shut up fat-ass, everyone knows I can spell better than you.
Cartman: Yeah, well this year I have a secret weapon. (Gives Phonics Monkey a thumbs up)
(singing) Who would have thought such a miracle could be, who could have known that this moment I would see, a new way of living, a chance to be free!
</i> Cartman
Jesus tap-dancing Christ Kyle, get with the program!
(in high-pitched voice) But, moooooooom, I have to get the first one so that people will think I'm kewwwwwl!!
(Singing on the streets) Come on, people, join together. Join-together-so-I-can-get-more-money-for-ChinPokoMon!
Stan: Dude! The video game just gave Kenny a seizure!
Cartman: Ah, sweet! This game's cool!
(The kids are plotting to scare the 5th graders with a dead body.)
Cartman: Then where the hell are we gonna get a dead body?
Stan: We're gonna dig up Kyle's dead gramma!
Kyle: Yeah fat ass, we're gonna dig upDIG UP KYLE'S DEAD GRAMMA?!
Voice: Hi Kyle.
Kyle: (hops back) Aaaah!
Cartman: (who's providing the voice) Have you been a good boy, Kyle? Have you been making Grandma proud?
Kyle: Dammit Cartman! That's not funny!
Stan: (chuckling) Eh, eh! Yes it is.
Cartman: Heh heh, I'm sweet.
Kyle: Alright, alright, let's get this over with so we can put her back.
Stan: Okay, grab the sled.
