Dr. Foreman: Notice anything odd about the shape of the fluid collection?
House: Oh, God, it's... the Virgin Mary.

I'd stand outside your apartment all night and hold a boom box, except you told me you hate 80's music.

Foreman: You two are both competent and I know we can work together.
Chase: You really know how to woo.

Dr. Foreman: I brought you a doughnut. The florist was closed.
Thirteen: I'll get a vase and put it in water.

Taub: How did so many people get my personal email?
Foreman: The Internet is a magical place.

Foreman: I feel like Tom Brady's back-up.
Thirteen: Tom Brady's back-up now makes $10 million.

Cameron: You know how House feels about people touching his ball.
Foreman: No, Chase refuses to tell me.

House was an egotistical pill-popping lawsuit magnet... and a genius.

House: I quit.
Foreman: You can't quit.
House: I think you're confusing me with Jake Gyllenhaal.

Dr. Foreman: You were right about the heart. Should have listened to you.
House: The correct phrasing would be, "I should always listen to you."

House: Huh. I figured by now you'd be at the board in your monocle and jodhpurs.
Dr. Foreman: Yeah, you did something stupid. Quick, better mock someone.

Dr. Foreman: (checking out strippers) You know what a "broken cowboy is? It was on House's list of requirements.
Thirteen: I have three theories.

House Quotes

House: Lift up your arms. You have a parasite.
Jill: Like a tapeworm or something?
House: Lie back and lift up your sweater. You can put your arms down.
Jill: Can you do anything about it?
House: Only for about a month or so. After that it becomes illegal to remove, except in a couple of states.
Jill: Illegal?
House: Don't worry. Many women learn to embrace this parasite. They name it, dress it up in tiny clothes, arrange playdates with other parasites...
Jill: Playdates...
House: (showing her sonogram) It has your eyes.

Taub: It's not porn.
House: Bummer.