George Costanza Quotes

(Jerry and George are inside the coffee shop, hiding from Joe Davola)
Jerry: Is he out there? Do you see him?
George: I'm not sure.
Jerry: Well, either you see him or you don't.
George: All right, I don't.

That's good judgment. That's a pile of judgment there.

The story is the foundation of all entertainment. You must have a good story otherwise it's just masturbation.

George: Look, you do all the talking, OK?
Jerry: Relax! Who are they?
George: Yeah, they're not better than me.
Jerry: Of course not.
George: Who are they?
Jerry: They're nobody.
George: What about me?
Jerry: What about you?
George: Why them? Why not me?
Jerry: Why not you?
George: I'm as good as them.
Jerry: Better!
George: You really think so?
Jerry: No.

George: Why don't they have salsa on the table?
Jerry: What do you need salsa for?
George: Salsa is now the number one condiment in America.
Jerry: You know why? Because people like to say "salsa." "Excuse me, do you have any salsa?" We need more salsa." "Where's the salsa? No salsa?"
George: You know, it must be impossible for a Spanish person to order seltzer and not get salsa. "I wanted seltzer, not salsa!"
Jerry: "Don't you know the difference between seltzer and salsa?! You have the seltzer after the salsa!"

I can't do this Jerry. I can't do it. I tried, I'm here, it's impossible!

Russell: Well, why am I watching it?
George: Because it's on TV.
Russell: (pausing) Not yet.

George: I can't do this, I can't do this.
Jerry: What?
George: I can't do this, I can't do it. I've tried, I'm here, it's impossible.
Jerry: Hey, this was your idea.
George: What idea? I just said something. I didn't know you were gonna listen to me!
(He smacks Jerry's forehead)
Jerry: Don't worry about it. They're just TV executives.
George: They're men with jobs, Jerry! They wear suits and ties! They're married, they have secretaries!

George: I think I can sum up the show for you with one word: Nothing.

  • Permalink: Nothing.
  • Added:

Jerry: You want to go with me to NBC?
George: Yeah, I think we really got something here.
Jerry: What do we got?
George: An idea.
Jerry: What idea?
George: An idea for the show.
Jerry: I still don't know what the idea is.
George: It's about nothing.
Jerry: Right.
George: Everybody's doing something, we'll do nothing.
Jerry: So, we go into NBC, we tell them we got an idea for a show about nothing?
George: Exactly.
Jerry: They say, "What's your show about?" I say, "Nothing."
George: There you go.
(A moment passes)
Jerry: (nodding) I think you may have something here.

George: There's a bag of Pepperidge Farm cookies up there.
Jerry: What kind?
George: Milano.
Jerry: Cops eating Milanos, what kind of crazy town is this?

George: We're friends of a serial killer.
Criminal: Oh, that's nice.
Jerry: Suspected serial killer, he didn't actually do it.
George: We're pretty sure he didn't do it.

Seinfeld Quotes

I swear, I have absolutely no idea what women are thinking. I don't get it, okay? I I I admit, I, I'm not getting the signals. I am not getting it! Women, they're so subtle, their little everything they do is subtle. Men are not subtle, we are obvious. Women know what men want, men know what men want, what do we want? We want women, that's it! It's the only thing we know for sure, it really is. We want women. How do we get them? Oh, we don't know 'bout that, we don't know. The next step after that we have no idea. This is why you see men honking car-horns, yelling from construction sites. These are the best ideas we've had so far. The car-horn honk, is that a beauty? Have you seen men doing this? What is this? The man is in the car, the woman walks by the front of the car, he honks. E-eeehh, eehhh, eehhh! This man is out of ideas. How does it? E-e-e-eeeehhhh! "I don't think she likes me." The amazing thing is, that we still get women, don't we? Men, I mean, men are with women. You see men with women. How are men getting women, many people wonder. Let me tell you a little bit about our organization. Wherever women are, we have a man working on the situation right now. Now, he may not be our best man, okay, we have a lot of areas to cover, but someone from our staff is on the scene. That's why, I think, men get frustrated, when we see women reading articles, like "Where to meet men?" We're here, we are everywhere. We're honking our horns to serve you better.

Jerry

Let's face it, a date is a job interview that lasts all night. The difference between a date and job interview is not many interviews is there a chance you'll end up naked at the end.

Jerry

Seinfeld

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