I have an angry baby inside of me making me do bad things!

• Permalink: I have an angry baby inside of me making me do bad things!
• Added: October 24, 2012

I wrapped my son with one hand while driving a stick. I know how to keep my kid safe.

• Permalink: I wrapped my son with one hand while driving a stick. I know how...
• Added: October 10, 2012

Gloria: I'm pregnant.
Claire: You're gonna get so fat!

• Permalink: I'm pregnant. You're gonna get so fat!
• Added: September 26, 2012

Jay: Tired of walking in those heels?
Gloria: No, tired of having a hot wife?

• Permalink: Tired of walking in those heels? No, tired of having a hot wif...
• Added: May 09, 2012

Gloria: Is that a leash?
Cam: It's a child safety tether.

• Permalink: Is that a leash? It's a child safety tether.
• Added: May 09, 2012

We wouldn't be in the air, we'd be in rock n roll heaven!

• Permalink: We wouldn't be in the air, we'd be in rock n roll heaven!
• Added: May 02, 2012

Haley: He's gonna ruin my party!
Gloria: Two birds, one bullet.

• Permalink: He's gonna ruin my party! Two birds, one bullet.
• Added: April 18, 2012

Jay: I don't know what they do in Columbia.
Gloria: No one does and don't ask.

• Permalink: I don't know what they do in Columbia. No one does and don't a...
• Added: April 11, 2012

I don't wanna be around when something that tight unravels.

• Permalink: I don't wanna be around when something that tight unravels.
• Added: April 11, 2012

You dated a Dottie after Dede?

• Permalink: You dated a Dottie after Dede?
• Added: April 11, 2012

Jay we use this to get tables at restaurants, why can't we use it to get Manny a friend?

• Permalink: Jay we use this to get tables at restaurants, why can't we use i...
• Added: March 14, 2012

Gloria [punches guy]: Nobody calls him grandpa!
Luke: I do.

• Permalink: Nobody calls him grandpa! I do?
• Added: February 29, 2012