Michael: So ... this is the magic trick, huh?
Gob: "Illusion," Michael. A "trick" is something a whore does for money. (Michael points out that a bunch of kids are staring at Gob with their mouths open) ... Or candy!

Gob: You know, I sort of thought my contribution could be a magic show.
(Shot of Alliance of Magicians)
Michael: Oh, that's perfect, Gob.
Gob: Thank you.
Michael: Or, wait a minute. I just remembered something - Dad's retiring, not turning six.

Lucille: And I'm putting Buster in charge.
Gob: He's a good choice.
Michael: Buster? The guy who thought that the blue on the map was land?

Birthday Party Man: I'll be honest. I'm just more comfortable with an Alliance-approved magician.
Gob: Aw. Give 'em a hell of a show, champ.
Teen Magician: (bleep) off, traitor.

(After George Sr. is put in jail)
Michael: And Lindsay, I expected this from them because they're completely oblivious. But you, you should know better.
(Michael walks away)
Gob: Lindsay, he's really mad at you.

Gob: Are those police boats
(Symbol Clash)
Gob: No, I'm serious. I think they are police boats.

Arrested Development Quotes

Okay, we are just about ass-to-ankles back here, Maeby. Do you want to hop on your cousin's lap there, please?

Tobias

(Regarding Buster) Maybe it was the eleven months he spent in the womb. The doctor said there were claw marks on the walls of her uterus. But he was her 'miracle baby'. And I-I was just too burnt out on raising you guys to care. So... He turned out a little soft, you know...

George Sr.