The Simpsons
Sundays 8:00 PM on FOXPopular Homer Simpson Quotes
Marge: Homey, come to bed
Homer: (goes back to bed with a plainer) Homer, go back to the garage!
I'm only doing what I think is right. I believe Freddy Quimby should walk out of here a free hotel.
Homer: You know, I defy anyone to tell the difference between these doughnuts and the ones baked today. Hey, my boy's supposed to be here any second on a field trip. They been through here yet?
Co-worker: Come on, Simpson. If they wanted the kids to see you sitting around on your butt and stuffin' your face, they'd take them on a tour of your house.
It passed the first test...I didn't go blind.
Bart & Homer: On top of Spaghetti, all covered with cheese, I lost my poor meatball...
Marge: If you don't mind, we're on our way to a funeral!
Homer: Ding-dong the witch is dead..
Bart: Which old witch?
Homer: The wicked witch!
Marge: Homer!
Marge: Question 2: "Who is your son's hero?"
Homer: Steve McQueen.
Marge: That's your hero! "Name another dad you talk to about parenting."
Homer: Next
Marge: "What are your son's hobbies?"
Homer: Well, he's always chewing on the phone cord.
Marge: He hasn't done that since he was two!
Homer: Then he has no hobbies!
Irish Policeman #1: So, it's a smoke-easy you're running then?
Homer: Uh-oh! (tries to flee with Grampa)
Irish Policeman #2: Toots! It's escaping you're thinking of then?
Homer: I can't tell if those are questions or statements!
Irish Policeman #1: So, it's our syntax you're criticizin' then?
Bart: Ya know, Grampa kinda smells like that trunk in the garage where the bottom's all wet.
Lisa: Nuh-uh. He smells more like a photo lab.
Homer: Stop it, both of you! Grampa smells like a regular old man, which is more like a hallway in a hospital.
Marge: Homer, that's terrible! We should be teaching the children to treasure the elderly. You know, we'll be old someday.
Homer: (Gasps) My God, you're right, Marge! You kids won't put me in a home like I did to my dad, would ya?
Bart: Well
Homer: (Screams) Marge, what do we do!?
Homer: The motto of the Simpsons is: "quit while you're ahead."
Marge: I made it into a sampler.
Marge: Homey, I'm very proud of you, but don't you think you're spending too much time with Ned? Your family needs you too.
Homer: Oh, of course you'd say something like that, Marge. You've hated Ned for years! In fact, you wanted to bash his head in with a pipe.
Marge: That was you!
Homer: Love, Marge. Don't hate... love.
(At debate team practice, Homer and Artie Ziff hold a debate.)
Artie: Our current speed limit is an anachronism. The fatuity--
Homer: (Reading from a dictionary.) "Ignoramus."
Artie: --Will you shut up?
Homer: Wait a minute. That word you keep calling me?
Artie: Ignoramus?
Homer: Ignoramus! It means I'm stupid, doesn't it?
Artie: There is a difference between ignorance and stupidity.
Homer: Not to me, there isn't, you--
Mrs. Bloominstein: Homer?
Homer: --ignoramus!
Artie: You're the ignoramus.
Homer: No, you are!
Mrs. Bloominstein: Homer, would you like to present your rebuttal?
Homer: With pleasure. (Everyone gasps as Homer moons the class.)
FBI Agent: You will be known as Nicky "Bluepants" Altosaxophoni.
Homer: Can I keep the name after I'm done?
Agent: No. It belongs to the government.
