Jack Donaghy Quotes
Jack: Lemon, I would like to teach you something. I would like to be Michelle Pfeiffer to your angry black kid who learns that poetry is just another way to rap.
Liz: No, Jack. I don't want to learn about negotiation. I just want Josh to stay. The show needs him.
Jack: Lesson number one: you don't need anyone. Sure, Josh tests well with female viewers 12 to 24, which is important to advertisers because young women will buy just about anything.
This ought to prove my mother wrong, saying Donaghy is Gaelic for failure. What the hell does she know, she's a Murphy; Bunch of mud farmers and sheep rapists.
Jack: Steven's good, man, he's on partner track at Dewey and he's a Black.
Liz: A black!? That's offensive.
Jack: No, no. That's his name. Steven Black... good family. Remarkable people, the Blacks, musical, very athletic, not very good swimmers. Again I'm talking about the family. Black is African-American, though.
Liz: Well I don't care about that.
Now as you may have read in Robert Parker's wine newsletter, "Donaghy Estates tastes like Satan's urine after a hefty portion of asparagus."
Ridikolus: What color plane are you want to buy?
Jack: Clear... like Wonder Woman's.
Jack: Don't be ridiculous.
Ridikolus: I am Ridikolus.
Jack: The Game?
Tracy: Nope.
Jack: T.I.?
Tracy: It not happenin.
Jack: Super head?
Tracy: No can do.
Jack: Fabolous?
Tracy: Wont do.
Jack: Redonkeykong?
Tracy: Nope.
Jack: MC Skat Kat?
Tracy: What?
Jack: HoMONKulus?
Tracy: Uh-uh.
Jack: Raw Dog?
Tracy: Hell no! Me an his beef go way back. We were both on cast members on Nickelodeon show called "Ray-Ray's Garage."
Tracy: Who else is going to be at that party?
Jack: Well, you're going to be sharing the stage with NAS...
Tracy: Nope, he hates me! We used to date the same girl.
Jack: What about Young Jeezy?
Tracy: Forget about it. I called his pit bull gay on 106th and Park.
Liz: That would do it.
Now, there are 140 people on this show, so go out there and make 126 people very happy.
Jack: Hey, Devin, you'd better watch out. Kenneth may take your job one day.
Devon: Or your job, Jack.
Kenneth: [points at janitor] Or his job!
[Jack and Devon stare in silence]
Jack: Banks is no slouch. He pioneered the concept of ten-second Internet sitcoms.
[cut to computer]
Theme: Makin' it happen!
[husband walks in door]
Husband: Honey, I'm home!
Wife: [sarcastic] Oh, great!
Theme: We made it!
[credits roll]
Jack: Good God. Devon is gay. He's even more powerful than I thought.
Liz: Maybe you should seduce him and get him to tell you all his secret plans.
