Damien: Wow you look stressed.
Jared: You don't. What's up?

No guitar. You're not a mariachi. It's weird to bring it on a date.

Jared: The one I like is when Infeld stole his prom date.
Damien: And I never saw it coming.

Denny, I hate to tell you this but someone just hit pause on your new life.

Jared: Any girlfriends in the picture?
Denny: We broke up. We met on line. She turned out to be a guy in Honduras.

We specialize in nightmares.

We choose to accept your mission.

Would you stop? You live in Malibu. You work for a big law firm. You get to help people like Zack.

Peter: I still can't believe we lost.
Jared: Really, I'm always more surprised when we win.

Relax, she's going to smell the fear on you.

Robbie: She's kind of scary.
Jared: But hot, right?

Peter: Either Wendell is the best actuary in the world...
Jared: Or he's a pathological serial killer.

Franklin & Bash Quotes

See that's a talent, sounding like a total asshole even when you're supposedly saying something sincere.


"Sorry, sorry. Jean Claude Van Damme marathon last night. Unavoidable.