Peter: Dogs can sense evil.
Jared: I think that's earthquakes, Buddy.

Not hitting people's why I became a lawyer.

Rachel and your mom making out is one of the hottest things ever.

He's objecting to love?

Peter: You are so going to marry her.
Jared: I know.

Text haiku was ahead of its time.

Rachel: What kind of monster to you think I am?
Jared: Shape shifter.
Peter: Swamp demon.

Peter: Look at you doing the walk of shame here at the office.
Jared: Not walk of shame. Walk of glory.

In this light with your guard down, you almost look human.

Jared: Have we mentioned that our client is a war veteran, your Honor?
Judge: Eleven times.

Don: I'm not in any position to say no.
Jared: Damn right. You're a dead man.

Jared: My feet are sticking to the floor.
Peter: That's good party traction.

Franklin & Bash Quotes

See that's a talent, sounding like a total asshole even when you're supposedly saying something sincere.


"Sorry, sorry. Jean Claude Van Damme marathon last night. Unavoidable.