Modern Family
Wednesdays 9:00 PM on ABCJay Pritchett Quotes
Jay: Did it hurt? When you fell from heaven and landed on earth.
Gloria: I didn't... oh, because I'm an angel!
Jay: It's just the doorbell.
Manny: Maybe a demon is ringing it!
Jay: What's up with the big sweater at a concert? Some sort of gay thing?
Mitchell: No, it's from this apres-ski party and... yes, it's some sort of gay thing.
Jay: You want scary? When I was his age I lived through the Cuban Missile Crisis. I slept with a butter knife under my pillow in case I had to fight some Soviet colonel.
Gloria: Why?
Jay: Because I could identify all the Commi planes.
Gloria: What are we talking about?!?
Manny: Any suggestions?
Jay: I usually go with earrings
Gloria [at chess]: Look at this, papi!
Jay: Easy, you can't sing "We Are The Champions" without your Queen.
You said that everything you needed to learn you'd learn from Westside Story.
I'm going to teach him the real version, not the Colombian version. We actually use the pieces to play the game, not smuggle stuff out of the country.
Gloria: And you really didn't know he was gay?
Jay: I must have, right?
To this day, Mitchell looks at me, I see him thinking 'that's the guy who killed Flyza Minnelli.'
I've been through this before. When Mitchell was 9, I was supposed to take care of his bird. It got out and flew into a fan. It was like a bloody pillow fight.
Go to dinner with him and wait for the check to come, then you'll see fear in his eyes. It's like the waiter's a ghost.
