J.D.: Sometimes you've got to go the extra mile with patients. That's what makes me such a special doctor.
Dr. Cox: That and your amazing ability to switch back and forth, seamlessly, between male and female genitalia.
J.D.: Why don't you just read lines with the old guy?
Dr. Cox: My job is to make sick people better. Not to help Bernie in there score a slice of Episcopalian tail on opening night.
J.D.: Carla, can you cover my patients?
Dr. Kelso: She's already watching someone for me.
J.D.: Alright, I'll find somebody else.
Carla: Why, because I'm just a nurse I can't look after everybody?
Dr. Kelso: Precisely.
J.D.: It's not like nurses know everything.
J.D.'s Narration: Uh oh. Carla's gearing up to explode. Save yourself. Attempt the casual side switch. (J.D. takes baby steps towards Carla, looking innocent and turns to face Dr. Kelso) And, you're there. Now, angry at Kelso.
J.D.: Bob, how dare you!
Hear that, Perry? I'm the most amazing doctor because I went the extra 5,280 feet. What's that? That's right, it's a mile!
Turk: Dude, there you are. Two things; First, the aliens are here and they're wearing track suits.
J.D.: Oh, that's Nana.
I can't believe you all shaved your heads. How great, even Nana. And you don't look creepy or alien-like at all.
J.D.: Look, all I'm saying is, it's important to go the extra mile with patients. It's like I was telling this girl last night...
(opens his cell phone and shows a picture to Dr. Cox)
Dr. Cox: Why would you tell her that?
J.D.: I didn't, I just wanted to show you who I'm going out with tonight.
Personally, me, I believe medicine is about more than treating the disease. You gotta be there for people. Take Mrs. Cohen, when she broke h er hip, I treated that. But she had also left her car double-parked so being an "extra mile" kind of guy, I went and took care of it.
Elliot: Oh my god I treated that girl in the free clinic. She was born without nipples.
J.D.: I knew there had to be something wrong with her. She's too perfect.
Elliot: I was kidding J.D., I have never seen her in my life... Kelly Ripa!
Dr. Cox: I told you it would catch on.
J.D.: I don't think it's that funny.
Dr. Cox: How's that leukemia patient of yours doing?
J.D.: I'm hiding. I don't really want to be bald. I have a sneaking suspicion that it won't work for me. I think it would accentuate my spoon chest.
J.D.'s Narration: Keith was shockingly good at pretending to like crappy presents. But you know what he was best at?
J.D.: Keith, we need more popcorn... yeah!
J.D.'s Narration: Being girl bait. Here's how it goes down. Keith comes back. Elliot marks her territory so that the girls knows he's taken. And I just pick off one of the smaller, weaker ones who come by for a look-see.
J.D.: I'm a doctor. I'm a landowner. Burt Reynolds is my father. I love sports.