That's what worries me about this guy, he's equal parts Hanson and Manson.

Merry Christmas everyone. The Glee club just became the History club.

Shirley I'm gonna be perfectly blunt with you, the few times you've been a little bad are when I liked you the most.

Shirley you wouldn't get it. It's not a fresh baked pie thing.

Pierce: The question is who am I doing this weekend?
Jeff: He's asking because he's already forgotten. It's nobody.

I have worn this stupid thing for twelve days! I have made bald friends!

We've all been there which is why we're all here.

I always go the extra mile to avoid doing things.

You hear that? That's not a heart monitor, it's a machine telling me I'm low on khakis.

With all do respect sir, I have zero respect for you.

After you said Britta was right, everything sounded like one big foghorn.

Jeff: What's that complex called when you're wrong about everything?
Britta: Ah sarcasm, from the man with the mother of all daddy issues.

Community Quotes

Hello during a random dessert, the month and day of which coincide numerically with your expulsion from a uterus.

Troy [reading the cake]

Pop, pop, Captain.