Trust me. Any girl would wanna dance with you. You're rich, and you're fat so you'll die young. Women love that.

Jenna: Adam's acting like us.
Tracy: But he is not famous. Why is the government allowing this?

We're gonna go. Don't worry about the fee. You can just give it to us now.

Getting paid to help a boy become a man...is kinda my wheelhouse.

Jenna: I need someone who has so little going on in her life, she lets me get all the attention.
Liz: And I need someone in my life who doesn't listen to a word I say.
Jenna: Thank you. I just got it cut.

Jenna: What were you even doing at that bachelor party?
Liz: Derek thought I was a guy and I didn't want to ruin what was happening between us.

It's like I'm in a cage, and not the fun kind where you dance while USC football recruits throw hot coins at you.

If PETA doesn't love you or hate you, you're a nobody, like a soldier or a teacher.

Liz: What are those?
Jenna: Leaches. They're good for your skin, and I've lost tons of blood weight.

Imagine what the internet would do with this. Maroney found in closet with unconscious married man and inbred virgin...again!?!?

Picking a lock is like riding a bike...they're both skills you need to escape the Atlanta Falcons equipment room.

You think we need a key? I guess someone's never been locked in a dog crate and thrown overboard for displeasing the sheik.