New Girl
Tuesdays 8:30 PM on FOXPopular Jess Day Quotes
I'm big in Japan — they call me Gigglebangs Riceball.
What's going on? Did you guys watch porn together again? Why do you keep doing that? It's always awkward!
Nick: In March, I will have been living with Schmidt for 10 years. I know that because he sent me an e-mail asking how I want to celebrate our tin anniversary.
Jess: How did you become friends? Was it an accident? Did you hit him with your car and you became his reluctant caretaker?
Jess: When I hear all the stuff about Cece's profession, like the dieting, it's crazy. And the butt-drinking...
Nick: Did you just say "butt-drinking?" You can't say "butt-drinking" and not explain what it is. That's two of my four favorite things.
I feel like I wanna murder someone and also I want soft pretzels.
I was sabotaged by my baby box, which means I will never trust anything that comes out of it.
No! PMS is mine! Stop stealing my stuff, Winston.
If any of you cross me, I'm gonna kick the testicles clean off your bodies! Clean off! You'll look like Ken dolls down there!
Jess: Now, if you'll excuse me gentleman, I'm going to go get a job — like it's my...
Schmidt: Job?
Jess: SHUT UP!
Jess: I just want to warn you guys that my mom's a little bit perky.
Winston: Wait, you think she's perky?
Jess: Well, she doesn't have my dark side. I got that from my dad.
Jess: What's the secret?
Sadie: It's about love, understanding and two sets of boobs!
Do you remember when you got yourself off to An Inconvenient Truth? Or dressed up as Shia LaBeouf from Wall Street 2? Or said that jazz music was America's greatest mistake?
