Favorite Jim Halpert Quotes
Jim: I will grant you one wish.
Pam: I wish that you'd stop rubbing that lamp in that creepy way.
Jim: Stupid. Everyone knows to ask for a hundred more wishes. [Pam laughs] Dumb.
Today, I am meeting a potential client on the golf course, because Ryan put me on probation. You remember Ryan, he was the temp here. Yeah. And uh, it is not a good time for me to lose my job. Since I have some pretty big long term plans in my personal life with Pam, that I'd like her parents to be psyched about. So I am about to do something very bold at this job that I've never done before. Try.
Andy: Tuna! I'm engaged!
Jim: I know. That's awesome, man. That's great.
Andy: Mr. Andrew Bernard... got a nice ring to it.
Michael: Okay, how do you feel?
Meredith: A little better. I threw up.
Michael: Ick... TMI.
Kevin: Fire girl! [crickets] Too soon?
Jim: Yeah.
Pam: I knew it.
Jim: You did not know it.
Pam: I knew some of it.
Jim: Everyone knew some of it.
Pam: It's Christmas.
Jim: You knew it.
Pam: Thank you. I knew it.
Jim: She knew it.
[leaving a message] Hey, Ryan, it's Jim. Look man, I don't know what's gotten into you lately, but you know what? I really don't care, because you're trying to get rid of me. And I bet you don't think I care enough about this job to actually fight back, but you're wrong, because I do, and I will. So you can keep trying to push me out of this place, but guess what? I'm not going anywhere.
Michael: [sighs] How can he still not know?
Jim: We can't figure that out.
Michael: I can't take it anymore.
Dwight: Wait, what? You can't take what?
Michael: I am telling Andy.
Dwight: No. You can't do that. It shouldn't come from you.
Michael: Who should it come from, then?
Everyone: [simultaneously] Angela.
Jim: This is really not how this is supposed to happen.
Dwight: Angela said she was going to tell him. She's just not ready.
Michael: When will she be ready?
Dwight: I don't know.
Michael: Is she crazy in bed?
Dwight: [boastfully] Yes.
Jim: Stop. What?
Michael: How so, specifically?
Jim: Okay, listen.
Dwight: Eager.
Jim: This shouldn't happen at work.
Dwight: And flexible.
Jim: And!
Michael: Really?
Jim: This shouldn't be coming from his boss. And we should also consider the fact that that man has an anger issue.
Michael: It's too late.
Jim: Well it's not too late, because you haven't done anything.
Michael: I am already walking.
Dwight: Michael, once this gets out... I don't know how it's going to go down.
Michael: Okay, what does that mean?
Andy: Where's Dwight?
Jim: You okay, man?
Andy: No. Not at all, actually. But thanks for asking. Appreciate it. You know what? I'd also like to take this opportunity to thank all of you for lying. To my face. And not telling me what's been going on this entire time.
Creed: You are welcome.
Andy: I will fight you.
Jim: Nope.
Dwight: Okay, fine! Good! A duel! The winner gets Angela.
Andy: Fine!
Dwight: Fine!
Oscar: This is nuts.
Dwight: What is your weapon?
Jim: Okay, you know what? That's enough. Because...
Dwight: Hey, this is none of your business.
Jim: Hey. It is my business when it happens at work.
Andy: Guess what? Not happening at work.
Dwight: Yes!
Andy: We're gonna do it outside.
Dwight: Outside of work.
Andy: None of your business.
Dwight: None of your business then. [they high five] Good. So what weapon?
Andy: My bare hands.
Dwight: That is stupid. I will use a sword and I will cut off your bare hands.
Andy: Then I'll get something too.
