Kate: That infomercial! For the milk carton spout thing! You're the guy who doesn't know how to pour milk!
Joey: I actually can pour milk. But I got you believing that I couldn't. See, that's acting.
Kate: Right at the end, you choked on a cookie.
Joey: Yeah, that was real.

Joey: So, Ross. If you had a million dollars, what's the first thing you'd buy?
Ross: I'd probably get some municipal bonds, and then put the rest of the money in the bank and live off the interest.
Joey: Well, we've heard from Dr. Fun.

Ross: (To Frank Jr.) All we're saying is, don't rush into anything.
Joey: Yeah, come on, think about it. You're eighteen. Okay. She's forty-four. When you're thirty-six, she's gonna be eighty-eight.
Frank Jr.: You think I don't know that?

Voice on Tape: You are a strong, confident woman who does not need to smoke... (Tape cuts off)
Joey: (On tape) Joey is your best friend... You want to make him a cheese sandwich every day... You also want to buy him hundreds of dollars of pants...

Phoebe: What, he's 18.
Ross: Exactly, it'll be illegal for him to drink at his own bachelor party.
Joey: Yeah or to get a hooker.
Chandler: Always illegal, Joe.

Joey: (To Ross) So, we're walking down the street, and I turn to you and say: "Hey, let's go hang out at Totally Nude Nudes," remember? And then you turn to me and say, "Nah, let's just hang out at your place." Well, that was a nice move, dumb-ass.

Phoebe: (to Joey) You're Frank's best man?!
Joey: I couldn't help it. There love is so pure.
Phoebe: Well then, (to Ross) what about you?! Huh?!
Ross: I'm the ring bearer.

Phoebe: I had a dream last night that Rachel and Ross were still together and we were all here hanging out.
Joey: I had the same dream.
Phoebe: Yeah, and no one slept with the Xerox girl.
Joey: Oh, I had the opposite dream.

Joey: Can I see the comics?
Chandler: This is the New York Times.
Joey: Sorry! May I have the comics.

Monica: What's "PLEH?"
Joey: That's help spelled backwards so that the helicopters can read it from the air!
Monica: Ah...what's doofus spelled backwards?

Joey: Smokey Joe here got half way to the highway and collapsed.
Chandler: I have the lung capacity of a two year old. (Starts to light another cigarette)
Monica: Then why are you smoking?
Chandler: Well it's very unsettling.

Joey: (Trying to unlock the car) Relax okay? I, I, I can get this open. Anybody have a coat hanger?
Chandler: Oh, I do! Uh, no, wait a minute, I took it out of my shirt when I put it on this morning.
Monica: So, if you're parents hadn't got divorced, you'd be able to answer a question like a normal person?

Friends Quotes

Rachel: Do you think it's easy for me to see you with somebody else?
Ross: You know what, hey! You're the one who ended it! Remember?
Rachel: Yeah, because I was mad at you! Not because I stopped loving you!

Rachel: Daddy! Daddy listen to me! It's like all my life everyone's told me, "You're a shoe! You're a shoe! You're a shoe!" Well, what if I don't want to be a shoe? What if I wanna be a purse or a hat? No I don't want you to buy me a hat, I'm saying I am a hat. It's a metaphor Daddy!
Ross: You can see where he'd have trouble.