Ray: How does that feel?
Jonathan: It feels comforting actually.
Ray: Does George have a nice ass?
Jonathan: It was very white.
Ray: I figured.

(to Stella) I thought you were happy with me and I found your G-spot and everything.

You know Stella, you're the best thing in my life.

Jonathan: Sal, I'm scared.
Sal: That is okay. All fighters are scared, but once you get into the ring, you are like a God.
Jonathan: But I'm agnostic.
Sal: I'll say a prayer for you.

Stella: Want to vaporize some more pot?
Jonathan: I want to vaporize you.

They say the pen is mightier than the sword.

(realizing that they got caught breaking and entering by some Rabbi's) Hey - it's okay! I'm Jewish!

The only thing that I found in the kitchen is an unopened bottle of kombucha tea..why would they leave this? This stuff is great and so expensive!

She liked me! And my pot.

She's gonna face the music, and I'm gonna play it.

I charge $100 a day, but I'm good..I'm one of the...I'm good.

Excuse me - can I get a cheeseburger, no cheese, to go?

Bored to Death Quotes

Men face reality. Women don't. That why men need to drink.


I've always been intrigued by Stockholm Syndrome. Make me think of my childhood.