Dolph: I'm going to kiss the ground.
Kearney: Loser, you're gay for the ground.
Dolph: Well, you're gay for homophobia.
Kearney: Wow, you just made me gay for tolerance.

Lisa: Why does someone become a bully?
Jimbo: Neglect.
Dolph: Abuse.
Kearney: I'm a Cubs fan.

This movie isn't silent! I can hear it sucking!

Kearney: Yo, Simpson. Give us your lunch money!
Bart: Hmm... I don't think so. In fact, why don't you give me your lunch money?
Dolph: Who's gonna make us? That golem?
Bart: No, my gol--Yes, him.

Kearney: What's your name, sweat stain?
Bashir: Uh, Bashir?
Kearney: "Bash here?" I love a kid that comes with directions.

Jimbo: Nice prank, Simpson. I dare you to dump that bees' nest on those second grade babies.
Bart: Why would I want to?
Jimbo: Because I said "I dare you." Kearney, can you read it back?
Kearney: (reading) "Nice prank, Simpson. I dare you to dump that bees' nest on those second-grade babies. Bart: Why would I want to? Jimbo: Because I said 'I dare you.' Kearney, can you read it back? Kearney, reading: Nice prank, Simpson. I dare you to--"
Jimbo: The point is, Simpson, a dare has been placed on your nards.
Bart: My nards accept.

Here's your cabin. If you don't like it, T.S.

Lisa: You punks are about to get a taste of your own medicine, this is my brother and he knows karate!
Jimbo: Oh, we're real scared!
Kearney: Please don't hurt us Bart!
Dolph: What are you gonna do? Throw your diapers at us? Haha!
Lisa: Yeah just keep laughing, you know it makes him madder! Come on Bart, start em off with the touch of death, and go from there!
Bart: I think they've learned their lesson already
Jimbo: No! We wanna see the touch of death!

Jimbo: No matter how dead their relationship seems, all parents eventually commit the heinous acting of love.
Kearney: Mine do it once a year on the magical day when the prison and the insane asylum have their annual mixer.

The Simpsons Quotes

(Bart shows the whole classroom the tape for his project called, "How Kittens Are Born: The Ugly Truth")
Bart: and here comes Snowball II. This is the one we kept.
All: EWW!!
Bart: We were gonna keep the gray one, but the mother ate her.
All: EWWWWW!!
Martin: Mrs. Krabappel, he's traumatizing the children!
Mrs. Krabappel: As usual, I agree with you, Martin. Bart, shut that off and take your seat immediately!
Bart: Oh, look! This is really cool. When I hit reverse, I can make 'em go back in.
(The whole classroom screams)

Homer: (Wearing glasses) The sum of the square roots of any two sides of an isosceles triangle is equal to the square root of the remaining side!
Man: (From inside a bathroom stall.) That's a right triangle, you idiot!
Homer: D'oh!