Keith: Did Elliot leave without telling me?
Jordan: Why is there an intern in my bathroom? It's not my birthday.
Keith: She made me watch.

Keith: Elliot, I'm not going to tell you who messed up with Mrs. Bess.
Elliot: No problem. I just wanted to have a cup of coffee... Oh and introduce you to my mom.
Lilly: "Mom", that makes me sound so old! I had C-section with all my kids so everything is as it was down there.

Carla: Keith, you'd better not tell her who did it.
Keith: But Elliot scares me.
Carla: Elliot is a blonde, 108 pound skipole from a cul-de-sac in Connecticut. I am an underpaid, pregnant nurse from the block who, over the next six months, will get fatter and angrier. Now, who are you really afraid of?

Dan: So you got the baby fever, huh?
Elliot: Yeah, hopefully I'm already pregnant with Keith's child.
Keith: Oh come on! I'm 25. I haven't even been to Europe.

Elliot: Mmm we don't want any distractions while we're trying to make a baby.
Keith: Ok, you gotta stop saying that.
Elliot: Look Keith we're role-playing alright? This is not real. Now let's just do this.
Keith: Alright.
Elliot: Promise you'll hold me like this when I'm pushing your baby out my bajingo?
Keith: Alright, I'm putting on a third condom.

Elliot: I'd like to remember all the carpal bones in the hand with a simple mnemonic device: Scaphoid, Lunate, Triquetral, Pisiform, Trapezium, Trapezoid, Capitate and Hamate. Some Lovers Try Positions That They Can't Handle.
Keith: Hey?!?!
Elliot: It was not directed at you, Doctor.

J.D.'s Narration: Now that Elliot and Keith were serious, she started buying him gifts.
Keith: Oh hoho. I-It's a mouth harp... awesome.

Dr. Cox: Listen up.
Keith: You are!
Dr. Cox: We're not doing that anymore.

Elliot: Later, I'm going to find some aloe and rub it wherever it hurts.
Keith: Well it's just on my back, really.
Elliot: Keith that was innuendo. You were going to work on this.
Keith: Oh right, right, right. Ok umit also hurts under my pants. In my pants! Damnit! I can't get this!

Turk: (Pretending to be Keith) Hey, how you doing, Claire?
Elliot: Did you just call me Claire?
Keith: No I would never call you
(Elliot and Carla leave)
Keith: That didn't even sound like me.
Turk: I know. They hear what they want to hear.

Turk: Carla is down there telling Elliot to ignore you so she can regain the power.
Keith: I don't really care.
Turk: Well, you know, this isn't about you, Keith. This is about men everywhere who'd been abused and bullied by women. (Pause) This is about me.

Dr. Cox: I would sooner leave my medical care in the hands of Dr. Acula. (J.D. gets excited) Yes, I read your vampire screenplay and as much as it pains me to say it, I didn't hate it. So here's what you have to do with this Keith: Turn the heat up on his ass and he'll make a mistake, then you'll bounce him the hell out of here.
J.D.: What did you think of the Transylvania dream sequence? Because I wrote it while I was on-call and the next morning and I read it and I was like, "What was I thinking?"
Dr. Cox: Bethany, focus.

Scrubs Quotes

J.D.: You were wrong and I was right.
Dr. Cox: I beg your pardon?
J.D.: Anosmia isn't a side-effect of I.V. Imipenem. Plus, Mr. Blair had multiple nasal polypectomies, and septoplasty; and his loss of smell is most likely caused by repeated manipulation of the sinuses along with concurrent infection. So, I didn't make a mistake; and you were wrong when you said, "Nice goin', Newbie."
Dr. Cox: Here you've put me in a tough situation: I can't honestly decide whether to say, "Duh," uh, "Doy," or a very sarcastic, "Oh, really?" My God, Fiona, I know it wasn't your fault; hell, the patient probably knows! But he seemed a little distraught, like maybe being able to blame somebody for a second or two just might make him feel a little better? And, I know, maybe it's me, but doesn't that seem like something that goes right along with wearing that fancy white coat? It... does, doesn't it.
J.D.: Kinda.
Dr. Cox: Gosh, I'm so proud of ya. Put her there.
He hold out his hand
Dr. Cox: Woof.
J.D.'s Narration: "Woof?"

J.D.: Dan was in my tub for four hours, drinking beers and singing "She's Gone."
Dan: How do you take a bath?