Keith: Did Elliot leave without telling me?
Jordan: Why is there an intern in my bathroom? It's not my birthday.
Keith: She made me watch.

Keith: Elliot, I'm not going to tell you who messed up with Mrs. Bess.
Elliot: No problem. I just wanted to have a cup of coffee... Oh and introduce you to my mom.
Lilly: "Mom", that makes me sound so old! I had C-section with all my kids so everything is as it was down there.

Carla: Keith, you'd better not tell her who did it.
Keith: But Elliot scares me.
Carla: Elliot is a blonde, 108 pound skipole from a cul-de-sac in Connecticut. I am an underpaid, pregnant nurse from the block who, over the next six months, will get fatter and angrier. Now, who are you really afraid of?

Dan: So you got the baby fever, huh?
Elliot: Yeah, hopefully I'm already pregnant with Keith's child.
Keith: Oh come on! I'm 25. I haven't even been to Europe.

Elliot: Mmm we don't want any distractions while we're trying to make a baby.
Keith: Ok, you gotta stop saying that.
Elliot: Look Keith we're role-playing alright? This is not real. Now let's just do this.
Keith: Alright.
Elliot: Promise you'll hold me like this when I'm pushing your baby out my bajingo?
Keith: Alright, I'm putting on a third condom.

Elliot: I'd like to remember all the carpal bones in the hand with a simple mnemonic device: Scaphoid, Lunate, Triquetral, Pisiform, Trapezium, Trapezoid, Capitate and Hamate. Some Lovers Try Positions That They Can't Handle.
Keith: Hey?!?!
Elliot: It was not directed at you, Doctor.

J.D.'s Narration: Now that Elliot and Keith were serious, she started buying him gifts.
Keith: Oh hoho. I-It's a mouth harp... awesome.

Dr. Cox: Listen up.
Keith: You are!
Dr. Cox: We're not doing that anymore.

Elliot: Later, I'm going to find some aloe and rub it wherever it hurts.
Keith: Well it's just on my back, really.
Elliot: Keith that was innuendo. You were going to work on this.
Keith: Oh right, right, right. Ok umit also hurts under my pants. In my pants! Damnit! I can't get this!

Turk: (Pretending to be Keith) Hey, how you doing, Claire?
Elliot: Did you just call me Claire?
Keith: No I would never call you
(Elliot and Carla leave)
Keith: That didn't even sound like me.
Turk: I know. They hear what they want to hear.

Turk: Carla is down there telling Elliot to ignore you so she can regain the power.
Keith: I don't really care.
Turk: Well, you know, this isn't about you, Keith. This is about men everywhere who'd been abused and bullied by women. (Pause) This is about me.

Dr. Cox: I would sooner leave my medical care in the hands of Dr. Acula. (J.D. gets excited) Yes, I read your vampire screenplay and as much as it pains me to say it, I didn't hate it. So here's what you have to do with this Keith: Turn the heat up on his ass and he'll make a mistake, then you'll bounce him the hell out of here.
J.D.: What did you think of the Transylvania dream sequence? Because I wrote it while I was on-call and the next morning and I read it and I was like, "What was I thinking?"
Dr. Cox: Bethany, focus.

Scrubs Quotes

Elliot: It's a preggie teddie! I got it over at that new maternity lingerie store at the mall. Had a very interesting conversation with the sweet old lady who owns the place. She said not that many pregnant women shop there. It's mostly just fat whores.
Everyone: Ohh...
Laverne: I gotta get me one of those.

Newbie, the only way you could be less productive right now is if you were, in fact the wall in which you're leaning against. Of course then you'd be providing some jackass with a wall in which to lean against and reflect on what a jackass he truely is. I know, here it's a conundrum, but don't you worry about it. I'll tackle that one right upstairs, in the meantime, you could atleast pretend to be doing some work, and right about know, even though you don't have your basket, aw it's just a terrific time for you to skip away Shirley, skip away, skip away, go head, skip away. Skip, skip, skip to my Lou woo!

Dr. Cox