Andy: We're losing cloud cover.
Kelly: Oh don't try to get in on it now, Michael Vick.
Darryl: Hey, hey...Vick did his time.

Kelly: Well I manage my department, and I've been doing that for several years now, and God I've learned a lot of life lessons along the way.
Jim: Your department's just you right?
Kelly: Yes Jim, but I am not easy to manage.

Kelly: No, he's just a big fraud Deangelo. He's like Rango. He doesn't work here basically, just like the way Rango didn't save those animals. It was just a big misunderstanding.
Deangelo: Is this true Ryan?
Ryan: I did not see Rango.

Ryan: This isn't the U.S. government.
Kelly: What are you referencing?
Ryan: Everything... everything.

Who am I? I'm Kelly Kapoor, the business bitch.

I can't get anything lately unless I threaten to kill myself.

Ryan: For all their generosity of spirit, they password protect their wireless?
Kelly: Try Jesus.

Could you for once just let us enjoy a party instead of making it about all your issues?

I talk a lot, so I've learned to just tune myself out.

I probably tweeted it. I tweet, I text, I phone, I Skype ...

[on the phone] This is the second time that you've sent me the wrong size. I mean I know what a four should feel like I've been a four my whole life. You know what? You can go to hell, alright? Thanks for nothing.

Kelly: Can you stop micro-managing? I know how to do this.
Dwight: What are you guys doing?
Kelly: This girl was really rude to me at the mall, so I created a fake IM account from a hot guy at her high school, and now I'm trying to make her anorexic.
Ryan: Tell her everyone in homeroom thinks she's fat.
Kelly: That is so good.

The Office Quotes

Dwight: What is my perfect crime? I break into Tiffany's at midnight. Do I go for the vault? No, I go for the chandelier. It's priceless. As I'm taking it down, a woman catches me. She tells me to stop. It's her father's business. She's Tiffany. I say no. We make love all night. In the morning the cops come and I escape in one of their uniforms. I tell her to meet me in Mexico but I go to Canada. I don't trust her. Besides, I like the cold. Thirty years later, I get a postcard. I have a son and he's the chief of police. This is where the story gets interesting: I tell Tiffany to meet me in Paris, by the Trocadero. She's been waiting for me all these years; she's never taken another lover. I don't care, I don't show up. I go to Berlin. That's where I stashed the chandelier.

Guess what, I have flaws. What are they? Oh, I don't know. I sing in the shower. Sometimes I spend too much time volunteering. Occasionally I'll hit somebody with my car. So sue me... No, don't sue me. That is the opposite of the point that I'm trying to make.

Michael