Erin: You're gonna be alright.
Kevin: No. No he's not.

You think this is a great party? This cake has vegetables in it.

I wanna be wined, and dined, and 69ed.

Poor Andy. First you got beat up by a gang, and now she kicks your ass?

I do deserve a vacation. Sometimes Batman's gotta take off his cape.

Oscar: Please don't say anything offensive.
Kevin: Got that bimbo?
Erin: Got it bimbo.

Darryl: Would it be more hilarious than Angela having a Chinese baby?
Kevin: A little bit. Yeah. Right guys? Back me up.

Erin: Angela had the baby?
Kevin: Is it black? Because that would be hilarious.

Val: Does Daryl not swim?
Kevin: That's racist!

Hey Oscar, was that you who just created a party out of thin air? Or was it me?

A fluke is one of the most common fish in the sea, so if you go fishing for a fluke, chances are you just might catch one.

I don't wanna put you out, but if someone's making oatmeal I'll take an apple-cinnamon and a maple-brown sugar in one bowl, with whole milk.

The Office Quotes

Sometimes I'll start a sentence, and I don't even know where it's going. I just hope I find it along the way. Like an improv conversation. An improversation.

Michael

When I was in college I used to get wicked hammered. My nickname was Puke. I would chug a fifth of SoCo, sneak into a frat party, polish off a few people's empties, some brewskies, some Jell-O shots, do some body shots off myself, pass out, wake up the next morning, puke, rally, more SoCo, head to class. Probably would have gotten expelled if I had let it affect my grades, but I aced all my courses. They called me Ace. It was totally awesome. Got straight Bs. They called me Buzz.

Andy