Erin: You're gonna be alright.
Kevin: No. No he's not.

You think this is a great party? This cake has vegetables in it.

I wanna be wined, and dined, and 69ed.

Poor Andy. First you got beat up by a gang, and now she kicks your ass?

I do deserve a vacation. Sometimes Batman's gotta take off his cape.

Oscar: Please don't say anything offensive.
Kevin: Got that bimbo?
Erin: Got it bimbo.

Darryl: Would it be more hilarious than Angela having a Chinese baby?
Kevin: A little bit. Yeah. Right guys? Back me up.

Erin: Angela had the baby?
Kevin: Is it black? Because that would be hilarious.

Val: Does Daryl not swim?
Kevin: That's racist!

Hey Oscar, was that you who just created a party out of thin air? Or was it me?

A fluke is one of the most common fish in the sea, so if you go fishing for a fluke, chances are you just might catch one.

I don't wanna put you out, but if someone's making oatmeal I'll take an apple-cinnamon and a maple-brown sugar in one bowl, with whole milk.

The Office Quotes

Dwight: What is my perfect crime? I break into Tiffany's at midnight. Do I go for the vault? No, I go for the chandelier. It's priceless. As I'm taking it down, a woman catches me. She tells me to stop. It's her father's business. She's Tiffany. I say no. We make love all night. In the morning the cops come and I escape in one of their uniforms. I tell her to meet me in Mexico but I go to Canada. I don't trust her. Besides, I like the cold. Thirty years later, I get a postcard. I have a son and he's the chief of police. This is where the story gets interesting: I tell Tiffany to meet me in Paris, by the Trocadero. She's been waiting for me all these years; she's never taken another lover. I don't care, I don't show up. I go to Berlin. That's where I stashed the chandelier.

Guess what, I have flaws. What are they? Oh, I don't know. I sing in the shower. Sometimes I spend too much time volunteering. Occasionally I'll hit somebody with my car. So sue me... No, don't sue me. That is the opposite of the point that I'm trying to make.

Michael