Ray: Oh! So I'm good enough to drive y'all around?! Great! Maybe on the way we can stop off down the Piggly Wiggly!
Lana: When this is over, I really think you and I should have a nice long talk.
Ray: I'm sorry, am I forgetting my place?
Lana: Little bit.

Goats - what in the Christ - I'll have your hide as boots and the rest of you as a curry!

Lloyd Llewellyn: We tried to blow up a dam.
Lana: A dam?! What, to flood another bunch of people out of their homes?
Lloyd Llewellyn: Not real people, just English ones!

Archer: This place is right out of a fairytale.
Lana: Yeah, a fairytale in which the heroine is drugged and kidnapped.
Archer: You realize that's like every fairytale.

Seriously, what is this, the Shire?

Lana: Just curious, what happened between your bedroom and right now?
Archer: Well, you were hysterical, Lana, so I thought the best thing to do would be inject you with a tranquilizer, drive you to a private air field, put you on a CIA plane, fly you overnight to Wales, and then...that brings us to now.

Why are your plans always so complicated? You're like Wyle E Coyote with access to predator drones.

Lana: And just so we're clear, he's the Prince of Duhan, an allied country.
Slater: Yeah, I'm gonna refer you back to "Because I said so."

Lana: First of all, your plan was too complicated!
Slater: Maybe for you people.
Archer: It had everything except a sign for free birdseed.

Lem Kane: That's why I had to keep my secret. Can you imagine what that would mean to big oil or OPEC?
Archer: Well, there's no need to be racist.
Lana: How is the acronym for the organization of pertoleum exporting countries racist?
Archer: Oh, that's what it means?

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Archer: Who gets into a hot tub naked with a stranger?
Lana: Because everybody? Because Berkley?!
Archer: How doese a whole city get a pass from acceptable behavior!

Lana: Daddy, tell us about your research.
Lem Kane: Well, algae is always challenging.
Archer: Yeah, just ask a flip-flop.

Archer Quotes

Cyril: Why are you so scared of crocodiles?
Archer: Gee, I don't know, Cyril. Maybe deep down I'm afraid of any apex predator that lived through the K-T extinction. Physically unchanged for a hundred million years, because it's the perfect killing machine. A half ton of cold-blooded fury, the bite force of 20,000 Newtons, and stomach acid so strong it can dissolve bones and hoofs.

Cheryl: What the stupid shit are you doing??
Cyril: You said you wanted watermelon.
Cheryl: Watermelon's red?
Cyril: Yes. How do you not know that?
Cheryl: Who am I? Charles Frederick Andress?