Elliot: It's a preggie teddie! I got it over at that new maternity lingerie store at the mall. Had a very interesting conversation with the sweet old lady who owns the place. She said not that many pregnant women shop there. It's mostly just fat whores.
Everyone: Ohh...
Laverne: I gotta get me one of those.

Dr. Cox: When was the last time you ever met a cutter who didn't want to cut? Laverne! You have been here 40 years now, have you ever heard such a thing?
Laverne: I'm going to kill somebody!

Turk: That's game, alright? That's game! You got next??
Dr. Cox: Yeah, I got next.
Laverne: Lonnie! Play with Dr. Cox.
Lonnie: Let's go!
Turk: Dude! Look at the glasses! Look at the mouthpiece!
Laverne: Dr. Turk is not aware that Lonnie was all-conference at Villanova.
Dr. Cox: Laverne, would you go ahead and thank whats-his-name for me?
Laverne: Jesus?
Dr. Cox: That's him.

J.D.'s narration: People were starting to talk about Elliot and Keith but I decided to stay above the fray. Then I changed my mind.
(J.D. joins a group of nurses in a circle)
J.D.: Can you believe those two?
Laverne: No I can't. All that carrying on in public.
Nurse: It's way too much.
J.D.: It's just too much. Sorry, I switched places so I could go again.

J.D.: I'm having a rough morning Brown Bear. How are you doing with your sterility?
Turk: Ahh... I can't really talk about that right now. I'm in an elevator.
J.D.: Not reading you Brown Bear. I repeat, are you still sterile?!
Laverne: This is so juicy that I feel dizzy.

Turk: Anyway, I gotta talk to the Bolger family about getting their son's heart, but I can't find 'em anywhere.
Laverne: Oh, they're in the doctors' lounge.
Turk: Oh my God, Laverne, I love you! Listen, if any other surgeon asks about them, you send them someplace else - the cafeteria, the zoo, I don't care! I'm goin' to get my heart!

Laverne: How was the zoo?
Todd: It was awesome! They had lions, tigers, bears, oh, my!

Carla: Laverne. I'm gonna need a little bit of your church enthusiasm to help sell this? Dammit, everyone! We are a family!
Laverne: A family, people-uh!
Carla: And I know we love each other.
Laverne: Love's all we got-uh!
Carla: So can't we just take ten minutes from our day to take a real staff photo?
Laverne: Yes, we can! Ha! Yes, we can!
Carla: The tambourine's a little much, Laverne.

Janitor: Now, anyone who caught a jiggle rebound may step up to the death line!
Laverne: I want you to think of this as a corn muffin.

J.D.: Everyone has a human side, Coxy. Even Kelso.
Laverne: The hell he does.

Ted: Those two new nurses have wonderful breasts.
Todd: Hey! They have names! (Pointing at each breast): Tina, Marge; Sloppy, and Mr. Snuggles.
Laverne: Sloppy's bigger than Mr. Snuggles.

Dr. Cox: Ladies and gentlemen, that is some quality Crack Addict Theatre!
Turk: I can't watch this.
Laverne: Then move your big, bald biscuit head! Some of us don't have cable.

Scrubs Quotes

J.D.: You were wrong and I was right.
Dr. Cox: I beg your pardon?
J.D.: Anosmia isn't a side-effect of I.V. Imipenem. Plus, Mr. Blair had multiple nasal polypectomies, and septoplasty; and his loss of smell is most likely caused by repeated manipulation of the sinuses along with concurrent infection. So, I didn't make a mistake; and you were wrong when you said, "Nice goin', Newbie."
Dr. Cox: Here you've put me in a tough situation: I can't honestly decide whether to say, "Duh," uh, "Doy," or a very sarcastic, "Oh, really?" My God, Fiona, I know it wasn't your fault; hell, the patient probably knows! But he seemed a little distraught, like maybe being able to blame somebody for a second or two just might make him feel a little better? And, I know, maybe it's me, but doesn't that seem like something that goes right along with wearing that fancy white coat? It... does, doesn't it.
J.D.: Kinda.
Dr. Cox: Gosh, I'm so proud of ya. Put her there.
He hold out his hand
Dr. Cox: Woof.
J.D.'s Narration: "Woof?"

Janitor: And it's no good to hide it from me, 'cause I got keys to everything. Except the third floor mental ward. Someone stole that one.
Dr. Kelso: Was he smoking a gavel?
Janitor: Seemed to be.