Elliot: It's a preggie teddie! I got it over at that new maternity lingerie store at the mall. Had a very interesting conversation with the sweet old lady who owns the place. She said not that many pregnant women shop there. It's mostly just fat whores.
Everyone: Ohh...
Laverne: I gotta get me one of those.

Dr. Cox: When was the last time you ever met a cutter who didn't want to cut? Laverne! You have been here 40 years now, have you ever heard such a thing?
Laverne: I'm going to kill somebody!

Turk: That's game, alright? That's game! You got next??
Dr. Cox: Yeah, I got next.
Laverne: Lonnie! Play with Dr. Cox.
Lonnie: Let's go!
Turk: Dude! Look at the glasses! Look at the mouthpiece!
Laverne: Dr. Turk is not aware that Lonnie was all-conference at Villanova.
Dr. Cox: Laverne, would you go ahead and thank whats-his-name for me?
Laverne: Jesus?
Dr. Cox: That's him.

J.D.'s narration: People were starting to talk about Elliot and Keith but I decided to stay above the fray. Then I changed my mind.
(J.D. joins a group of nurses in a circle)
J.D.: Can you believe those two?
Laverne: No I can't. All that carrying on in public.
Nurse: It's way too much.
J.D.: It's just too much. Sorry, I switched places so I could go again.

J.D.: I'm having a rough morning Brown Bear. How are you doing with your sterility?
Turk: Ahh... I can't really talk about that right now. I'm in an elevator.
J.D.: Not reading you Brown Bear. I repeat, are you still sterile?!
Laverne: This is so juicy that I feel dizzy.

Laverne: How was the zoo?
Todd: It was awesome! They had lions, tigers, bears, oh, my!

Turk: Anyway, I gotta talk to the Bolger family about getting their son's heart, but I can't find 'em anywhere.
Laverne: Oh, they're in the doctors' lounge.
Turk: Oh my God, Laverne, I love you! Listen, if any other surgeon asks about them, you send them someplace else - the cafeteria, the zoo, I don't care! I'm goin' to get my heart!

Carla: Laverne. I'm gonna need a little bit of your church enthusiasm to help sell this? Dammit, everyone! We are a family!
Laverne: A family, people-uh!
Carla: And I know we love each other.
Laverne: Love's all we got-uh!
Carla: So can't we just take ten minutes from our day to take a real staff photo?
Laverne: Yes, we can! Ha! Yes, we can!
Carla: The tambourine's a little much, Laverne.

Janitor: Now, anyone who caught a jiggle rebound may step up to the death line!
Laverne: I want you to think of this as a corn muffin.

J.D.: Everyone has a human side, Coxy. Even Kelso.
Laverne: The hell he does.

Ted: Those two new nurses have wonderful breasts.
Todd: Hey! They have names! (Pointing at each breast): Tina, Marge; Sloppy, and Mr. Snuggles.
Laverne: Sloppy's bigger than Mr. Snuggles.

Dr. Cox: Ladies and gentlemen, that is some quality Crack Addict Theatre!
Turk: I can't watch this.
Laverne: Then move your big, bald biscuit head! Some of us don't have cable.

Scrubs Quotes

Carla: OK, I know how you can regain control of Keith.
Elliot: Carla, don't bother, booty call was for a while, but I am so sick of being this cold, emotionless bastard.
Dr. Cox: I never get sick and tired of that. It is awesome being that.
J.D.: We love it. (Puts arm on Dr. Cox's shoulder)
Dr. Cox: No.
J.D.: It's too much, I know.

J.D.: Dr. Cox! If it makes you feel any better, at the baptism I'll be there to keep Paige company.
Dr. Cox: Yeah. You're not going.
J.D.: Dammit! Stupid baptism.