The Big Bang Theory
Thursdays 8:00 PM on CBSPopular Leonard Hofstadter Quotes
Well, this time is going to be different because I'm a like a romance ninja. You don't see it coming and then BAM. Romance, watch out, hearts, kisses, love, ewww wah.
Leonard: If we do get a new friend, he should be a guy you can trust. You know, a guy who has your back.
Wolowitz: And he should have a lot of money and live in a cool place down by the beach where we could throw parties.
Sheldon: And he should share our love of technology.
Wolowitz: And he should know a lot of women.
Leonard: Okay, let's see: money, women, technology. Okay, we're agreed. Our new friend is going to be Iron Man
Leonard: Raj, you're our group historian. Has Sheldon ever begged before?
Raj: Three times. He begged the Fox network not to cancel 'Firefly.' He begged the TNT network to cancel 'Babylon 5.' And when he got food poisoning at the Rose Bowl Parade, he begged a deity he doesn't believe in to end his life quickly.
Leonard: We think we can help you with your stage fright.
Sheldon: Oh, I doubt that. I haven't figured out a way, and I'm much smarter than all of you.
Penny: Yes, buy you're not smaller than all of us put together.
Sheldon: I'm sorry, that is what I meant.
Leonard: They weren't boobies. They were muscles. And, the make-up was green, I was pretending to be the Hulk.
Penny: You were wearing her bra.
Leonard: That was to keep my muscles from sagging!
Penny: Why should I worry?
Leonard: Well, I don't know. It's a bachelor party, there could be strippers. Wouldn't that make you a little jealous?
Penny: Come on, Leonard, it's you. What's gonna happen? I mean, even if there was a stripper, all you'd do is avoid eye- contact and offer to help her kid with his homework.
Leonard: Can I tell you a secret?
Penny: What's that?
Leonard: All these women chasing me, I kinda do feel like Captain Kirk.
Penny: Can I tell you a secret?
Leonard: Sure.
Penny: Keep talking about Captain Kirk and we're all going to stop.
Leonard: Message ... received.
Instead of underpants, I covered my crotch with potato salad this morning. Thoughts?
I haven't seen him this stuck since he tried to figure out the third Matrix movie.
Howard: Boy, if these walls could talk.
Leonard: They'd say, "Why does he touch himself so much?"
Howard: Yeah.
Leonard: If you don't like this Christy, why are you letting her stay?
Penny: Well, she was engaged to my cousin while she was sleeping with my brother, so she's kind of family
Amy: If it makes you feel any better, the only person who signed my yearbook was my mother.
Leonard: Aww.
Amy: "Dear, Amy. Self-respect and a hymen are better than friends and fun. Love, Mom."
